I can feel it. Panic. Stress. Nervousness settles in my bones, making my mind whir.
It happens.
I can tell you why. Today is June 30th. HOW DID IT GET TO BE THE LAST DAY OF JUNE? July is going to be a whiz-bang of a month.
My sister, her hubs, and their two fabulous girls are coming to visit on Thursday! They live six hours away, so this is good. I am excited! There will be 4th of July fireworks, a trip to the zoo, and laser tag to celebrate my son’s 13th (yes, teenager, *hyperventilates*) birthday. There will be water balloons and hopefully swimming in our pool (if I can whip it into shape). Before the fun. the work lurks. Cleaning. Meal planning and shopping (and pool cleaning). BWAAAAAHHHH! *flails* What if I can’t get it done, what if the house isn’t clean, WHAT IF?
Breathe.
So our visitors leave on Tuesday the 8th. BUT WAIT! We leave for vacation bright and early on the 10th! And not just any vaca, dear readers, a long 12 days filled withdriving, hiking, and camping in Yellowstone! Eeeek! It will be so fun. But first, I have to find and assemble all the camping gear, clothes, food and get it packed in the truck. And hubs will be gone … GONE IN ANOTHER STATE… for the two days before we leave. Ug. Understand, until we drive off in the car, I will hold in my panic at leaving and thinking… we should stay home, home is good, we can stay.
I question why I opened the pool. Really, we could have just left that drama out of the equation. Some of you might get the stress of an above-ground pool. In the past, I have had little luck balancing chemicals in this sucker. So I am not confident in my attempt. But I will try because pools are fun! If I keep saying it I will believe it.
Amidst this pressure, I find me slipping away. I lose who I am and who I am striving to be when anxiety hits. I give up on workouts because I can’t focus. I start to eat whatever because I just don’t care. I don’t write because… that focus thing. Why do I let stress steal my power?
I DON’T KNOW! All I know is that I am constantly wondering what I am forgetting, what I should be doing, which means I fall further behind.
I will get VERY LITTLE writing done in July. I will work on edits for Reuts’ anthology. Hopefully I will blog a couple of times. And this is frustrating because I am close to having Doors ready to query. AND I WANT TO QUERY IT!
Breathe again.
I want to workout, write, be me, but anxiety takes it away. Take me out of my comfortable rut and I FREAK OUT.
So…
Let it go. Right? Get done what I can get done and forget the rest. If there isn’t enough food? Go to the store. If my house isn’t spotless? Who cares? So I miss workouts. I do a bit of stress eating. I obsess over the pool. And the words will be there when I get home. July will be fun-filled! My sister is coming! I’m going on vacation!
But still I wonder … aren’t I supposed to be doing something?
*flails* *runs hither and yon*
Kathleen Palm 
I can’t even keep up with how fast this year is going by! 😀 Sounds like you have a great fun time ahead of you though!
Thanks! I will have a great time as soon as I toss the panic to the curb. 🙂 Hope your summer is going well!
I think you can consider flailing as exercise, at least for your arms:) Relax. Go with the flow and have a great July. You have the whole rest of your life to write, and in August, your battery will be recharged, and your creativity will be ready to burst out of you.
I will hope that August will be productive. 🙂
Sounds you have lots of fun stuff ahead of you. I hope you get a chance to enjoy it all. We’ve got a very busy July, too, so I understand your angst. But I’m cutting myself some slack. Twitter, FB, my blog, and my work-in-progress will all be there when I get back to a normal routine. For now I’ll enjoy summer. They’re far too short not to. 🙂
Yes. Thanks! I must remember to enjoy myself. Summer is already drifting away.
Do you remember being a little girl? How you sat under the shade of a tall tree or on the hard planks of a wooden porch and played? Everything would get sorted into piles. Barbie’s clothes here, Ken’s clothes there- tea things here with wild strawberries in this pile and dry leaves in this pile. My sister and I would spend so much time writing out lesson plans for our “classes” that when the time came to play it would be a let down- no- let’s go ride bikes! That’s what you’re doing. You’re spending so much time sorting your toys into piles that you’re making play work. Well, IT’S SUMMER! No more piles, no more sorting for you my friend. Play!
YEA! Play! I’ll have to shift my thinking. Thanks!
here here!! I cant believe how speedy everything is going..My oldest daughter is a SENIOR in high school… PEOPLE I have A 17YEAR OLD daughter!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
She was just born yesterday…she was just constantly getting sick weekly so I had to go get her and spend another day with her thanks to daycare policy of 24 hr fever free(which i gleefully anticipated every chance i could)…then tubes put in…and then potty training..ack…then the first day of kindergarten…LORD, thought i was going to cry myself into a puddle…and then SHE is a senior in high school……I use to scoff when my own mother would say don’t blink because she will be grown up before you know it. Im sure it was during one of the many panic filled issues we had with J…i was soooo afraid my hubby wouldn’t want any other kids because for J’s first year we were at either dr office or at home because she was sick…anyhoo I know all about the anxiety and stress..yeah got it in spades from family owned business started by my father..YEA… to talking hubby into work with me…YEA..to normal everyday stress with JQ public ….TO said dad who is “retired” but still has to pop in ALL THE TIME to “check” on things…yea. I should be skinny as a rail..but alas I also am an emotional eater and like to huddle in my little corner with my fav beverage..PEPSI..and whatever dark chocolate goodie or sugar-y sweet i can snatch.. when the world is too bad…and i cannot take it anymore. YOU ARE NOT ALONE KATHY..just thought i would point that out.
(((HUGS)))
Yea for not alone! Life is a roller coaster. We should have that chocolate. 🙂