We all have dreams. Goals. Passions that drive us to get out of bed and, maybe, put on pants. (or not, no one panic)
I recently finished another round of tough revisions for my YA fantasy Doors and I entered pitchwars, an online contest where we writers hope that a mentor picks us to help polish our manuscript to a high shine for agents. In my YA category, there are over 500 entries. So do I stand a chance? I don’t know, probably not. So why do I torture myself by pressing submit? Why do I stalk the Twitter feed looking for clues that my ms has caught someone’s attention?
Because I have a need, a desire, this terrible burning in my gut… I want to be published SO MUCH – like every other writer out there. I burst out in tears when others share news about getting an agent or their book published. Because I want it to be me…
And I fear it never will be.
What makes my books stand out? I don’t know. Is my writing really any good? I don’t know.
But I keep doing it. I keep writing. I keep entering contests and sending out queries because of a little spark of hope, one that won’t die, one that won’t let me give up and find a real job I can hate forever.
I want to know if I have a chance.
Last year my YA fantasy Faerie Wind was failing out there in the land of querying. Last year it had its turn to not be picked for pitchwars. Maybe next year I’ll have another one… my YA magical realism Fate’s Mistake is next on the big revision block.
I am lucky to do what I love. I write for me because I have these stories to tell. But I write so that someone else out there can share in the journeys and maybe be affected by my words. And I am privileged to get to read and critique others’ work – seriously love that part. One I get to start soon! Eeeek!
Even though right now I am having a party with my self-doubt, a big mess of a party. Right now I am reaching out on FB and Twitter hoping for words of encouragement. (and I’m getting them, *bows in gratitude*)
Even though no one can ever answer my question of if I have a chance.
I’ll keep going. Because as afraid as I am of failing… I am more afraid of never succeeding.
Fear is not a welcome traveling companion. Fear will never lead you down the right path of life.
The magic of wanting keeps us all going.