We all have dreams. Goals. Passions that drive us to get out of bed and, maybe, put on pants. (or not, no one panic)
I recently finished another round of tough revisions for my YA fantasy Doors and I entered pitchwars, an online contest where we writers hope that a mentor picks us to help polish our manuscript to a high shine for agents. In my YA category, there are over 500 entries. So do I stand a chance? I don’t know, probably not. So why do I torture myself by pressing submit? Why do I stalk the Twitter feed looking for clues that my ms has caught someone’s attention?
Because!
Because I have a need, a desire, this terrible burning in my gut… I want to be published SO MUCH – like every other writer out there. I burst out in tears when others share news about getting an agent or their book published. Because I want it to be me…
And I fear it never will be.
What makes my books stand out? I don’t know. Is my writing really any good? I don’t know.
But I keep doing it. I keep writing. I keep entering contests and sending out queries because of a little spark of hope, one that won’t die, one that won’t let me give up and find a real job I can hate forever.
I want to know if I have a chance.
TELL ME PURRRR-LEASE!
Last year my YA fantasy Faerie Wind was failing out there in the land of querying. Last year it had its turn to not be picked for pitchwars. Maybe next year I’ll have another one… my YA magical realism Fate’s Mistake is next on the big revision block.
Yea.
I am lucky to do what I love. I write for me because I have these stories to tell. But I write so that someone else out there can share in the journeys and maybe be affected by my words. And I am privileged to get to read and critique others’ work – seriously love that part. One I get to start soon! Eeeek!
Even though right now I am having a party with my self-doubt, a big mess of a party. Right now I am reaching out on FB and Twitter hoping for words of encouragement. (and I’m getting them, *bows in gratitude*)
Even though no one can ever answer my question of if I have a chance.
I’ll keep going. Because as afraid as I am of failing… I am more afraid of never succeeding.
Fear is not a welcome traveling companion. Fear will never lead you down the right path of life.
The magic of wanting keeps us all going.
Kathleen Palm 
I’m in that stage too, Kathy. I like to say that I’m a public writer. Not published but, random people are reading me. I got my first follower on my blog that I have no idea where she came from! And I was thrilled. Some random person found me through g+ and read me and now they’re following for no other reason than that she likes my stories! Yeah! Ok, right, it’s not publishing but, small step, right?
Just let me say, I believe in you. I believe in your talent and I’ve read your books so I can also say I believe in your voice. Keep chasing the dream and remember not to over look the small steps.
Thanks! 🙂 Yea for readers finding your blog. One step at a time.
Good luck, and I truly hope your MS gets chosen. Just the fact that you were brave enough to submit it speaks volumes. Shows you’ve got the courage and drive to keep going and make the writing happen.
Few endeavors require the patience that writing does. Everything about it takes time, and every step is a waiting game. The only way to keep sane is to keep writing.
Kinda a vicious cycle. O.o And thanks!
OK…I am in awe that YOU have doubt…I am in awe that you criticize yourself as much as the next person that just seems so unreal to me…Yes, there are probably TONS of writers out there…but NONE with YOUR WORDS …YOUR ENTHUSIASM and gift with imagination…YOU KATHY Y(maiden name not needed to spell out right now) PALM will SUCCEED…YOUR words need to be out there…as your lovely sista is always telling ME…there is a reason for EVERYTHING..and while i really hate that saying(because going thru some really rough patches right now) it HAS TO BE TRUE…YOU are being asked something….patience..balls to walls attitude….humble-ism(is this a word?)… maybe you are needed MORE with family now as supposed to being the famous writer right this minute…something..not sure what but IT WILL HAPPEN…YOU ARE TOO GOOD OF a writer for this to not happen. Now don’t make me send Sharon over there to repeat this in a running loop all day…
Thanks! Wow. And no, don’t send Sharon. She’s scary sometimes.
I’m scary???? Wow!!! That’s kind of cool!!
It’s ok to doubt now and again — it means you care! Plus, I will believe in you all the while because you are awesome and your stories are amazing. 🙂
Sarah, together we shall rule the world. ❤
I think it’s great that you’re submitting your work- it takes courage to do that, to share something so personal, your creative product. And you never know what avenue will lead to your final destination!
Very true! I gotta try all the paths to get where I want to go. Thanks.
To my dearest sister:
You are FABULOUS and WONDERFUL!!! I BELIEVE in you just like you always have believed in me. You are meant to be a writer and it will happen someday…maybe not today or tomorrow but someday…and soon! Love you bunches!!!