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Expectations can be a weakness. They can steal the magic.

It stems from hope, maybe this or that will happen, but grows into an untamable beastie. I want… I need this to happen. I act out the entire thing in my mind.

Wrong! Don’t do it.

I entered pitchwars and found myself beyond frustrated. I had a goal. I was conducting an experiment. However, if you have no control over the situation, the experiment will fail. The wonderful mentors spend A LOT of their time reading submissions, picking ones that resonate with them, choosing manuscripts they think they can help. It really is a marvelous thing.

I would love a mentor. I think the beginning of my manuscript needs help. Really. Let’s be honest, beginnings aren’t my thing. At. All.

But if I’m going with honesty… I wanted to know if my query and first chapter could hook a reader. And pitchwars is not the place to do this. Not. Some mentors request pages, I thought maybe if I got page requests… BAM I hooked someone. So when I get no requests? When none of the mentors follow me back on Twitter… does that mean I suck?

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Maybe.

Okay… NO. Mine could be pretty good, but not what they are looking for. Maybe they don’t feel like they can help mine. Some mentors don’t request pages. Some mentors stay pretty quiet while they’re selecting their victims… er, winners. And these busy people with lives of their own don’t have time to give me feedback. That’s just silly.

So I had expectations, but they weren’t realistic. I do write fantasy, so real isn’t something I do well. I need to relax and see what happens. I need to remember why I enjoyed pitchwars last year, because of what it can give me. Friends. Contacts. CPs. And other ways to fulfill my expectations.

Look for the good and that is what you will find! *beats self over head*

So I heard about WriteOnCon… a forum for writers to post queries, the first 250 words, and the first 5 pages and other writers will stop by to comment, and I can comment on others. I went and signed up then panicked… OHMYGOSHWHATISTHISWHATAMIDOINGTHEREISTOOMUCHANDIDONTKNOWWHERETOGO!

So I gave up.  Seriously, this is classic me. Don’t be afraid, I usually end up hating the fact that I quit and go back with fierce determination. I’m not a complete loser. Pfft.

Then I mentioned my giving up on Twitter and a very nice friend Kate Foster @winellroad helped me figure out what to click on and how to do it. So I did. However, my query didn’t seem to post, so no idea there. And I am still floundering about over there. I am KPalm if you want to find me… be my friend… something.

Now, with WriteOnCon, I expect to read some good words and make a few (hopefully) helpful comments. I expect to get a few comments that I will use to make my writing better. From pitchwars, I expect the mentors to choose a ms to make them happy, that they love and if it isn’t mine, I get it. I won’t throw in the towel.

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Expectations can wipe away the magic that I treasure, the magic of what comes from living.

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