I’m having a ME DAY!
I’ve been breaking down lately… crying, sobbing, feeling like a failure…
Don’t ask why. Let’s not go there. Kathy’s pity party is not somewhere you want to be. *pops balloons*
There is an image in my mind of the person I’m supposed to be. This perfect individual. Where did the picture come from? I don’t know. A place of evil… possibly. Because who can be perfect?
The stress of overthinking, of wondering, of trying to balance being a mom, wife, writer, along with workouts and time to read and relax… I expect too much of me. Many people do.
If I spend time working out, guilt strikes! Why aren’t I writing or cleaning? But I want to get in shape!
When I’m writing, am I being a horrible mom and wife? Maybe. But I NEED TO WRITE THE WORDS!
I have a bajillion books waiting to be read, not to mention the desire to reread the Harry Potter books… but do I really have time for doing nothing?
And I LOVE doing nothing, people.
I excel at it.
But there is a voice in my mind, one telling me I’m failing at EVERYTHING! I’ll never hit my goals, so why have any? Hello, New Year’s resolutions… yeah, no.
What’s odd is, I’m okay. Life is good, but that gets lost to the terrible thoughts. I have body issues. I have since I had two kids. So I obsess about eating and working out, to the point where I will shovel food in my mouth and not workout just to spite myself. I am a terrible wife. My hubs is not home much, and I am GOOD at being alone, so I stay tucked into my own little world when he does come home. I ignore the dog too much. I should be writing something new, but my head is having problems focusing. And the new year just begun, vacation is finished, and there are things I should do, schedules to return to… I am a writer and I should be writing…
AND ANY MINUTE NOW THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE AND WE WILL ALL DIE!
So today, I went back to bed after I dropped the kids off. I am not going to worry about working out, or even showering, and just be. Maybe I’ll take myself to see The Woman in Black 2 and enjoy myself. And find, that at the end of the day, the world is fine. I am fine.
I am enough.
You are enough.