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I read a post yesterday that spoke to me. My fears, staring at me. And someone’s encouraging words, telling me to do what I can, to not be afraid. The fabulous Julie Hutchings shared her struggles with getting back into writing. Go read it here.

My confession:

I am scared to death to start a new manuscript.

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But… but, Kathy, you have several manuscripts finished. Why would writing another one scare you?

It makes no sense. Yet, it does. The last ms I finished was in 2009. Since then I have revised them, going back over existing words. A comfortable place, really.

The thought of staring at a blank page makes me want to, well…

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Don’t get me wrong, I have written new words. Since finishing Doors last revisions, I have written all sorts of short stories. I LOVE THEM! In October, I posted something like 22 flash fiction pieces on my blog… an exercise in horror. In November, I wrote four short stories for the ProjectREUTSway story contest. I have subbed two shorts since then, am working on one for another anthology, and have been asked to sub to another literary journal. And Julie Hutchings is hosting a March Madness flash fiction celebration on her blog and I am doing a piece for that, read about it here (and SEND HER WORDS!).

So three more shorts, then I am going to tackle the sequel to Doors. I have lots of notes. I still have some world building and character sketching… very possibly I am avoiding that to avoid actually writing. Very possibly.

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But it’s time.

I’ll have CP fun to do. And eventually edits for Doors will appear. I am excited for all of it!

Yet, the fact that I will stare at a blank page, page one of what will probably be an 80K ms… MAKES ME SHUDDER IN MY BOOTS!

I can’t keep sidestepping. Hiding. I have to write the story, tell more of Bryn’s tale. She will get upset if I don’t. And nothing good can come of that.

Hello! Characters here with a story for you… let us in…

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So I look back at Julie’s words. A step at a time. Little by little I can get back into the mindset of writing a book. It won’t go smoothly everyday. It will cause frustration and screaming, maybe a few tears. And eating of all the chocolate…

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I can pretend to give myself a schedule, but that won’t work because life happens. I don’t do word counts, because I will obsess about the numbers and face insanity, then NOTHING will get done.

I’m not focusing on the top of the mountain, but on the next foothold. I will get to know and love my characters, enjoying the journey of creating, of storytelling. One scene at a time. One word at a time.

 

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