I had something in mind for this post, but staying true to my pantser nature, I am setting that aside to share with you my triumph.
Now, don’t get excited. It’s a little thing. But for me… today? My victory meant everything.
Today went completely out of whack, deviating from the norm, off the tracks.
The trouble began last night, when I stayed up until 3am whipping a short story into submission.
Or it whipped me… possibly. I refused to go to bed until I had revised the unruly mess, which meant adding in a bunch of stuff and deleting and rewriting the entire ending. And I did! And later when I read through it, we’ll discover what my middle of the night brain actually came up with…
But that isn’t my triumph.
This morning I got up to take the kids to school and was well… TIRED. So when I got home, I went back to sleep.
IT WAS A GOOD DESCISION! I feel much better. However, I got out of bed at 10:30… breakfast should have been eaten, the workout would have been practically over… I would be ready to move on to say… this blog, or the other blog post I need to do for The Midnight Society, or rereading said story.
Cue the moment Kathy crumbles.
When I panic. When I completely lose my mind and give up on anything and everything. When things don’t go as planned, I have problems functioning. I turn to food, a whole other issue I’ll save for later.
For even though I like to think of myself as a go-with-the-flow type of person, and mostly I am, when it comes to my routine… I like my rut.
If this would have happened a week ago, I would have sat my butt on the couch and done the blogs, I would have probably had a few bowls of cereal. I would not have worked out. I would not have taken a shower.
And later in the day I would have cried. I would have looked at myself in the mirror and called myself lazy and not good enough.
I punish myself when I don’t do what I think I should. This happens a lot. I am not proud of this part of me.
However, today I didn’t. I ate breakfast and then did my workout. I took a shower. I ate lunch, which included a vegetable. I did not stress over the blogs. They will get done. My story? *checks files* It’s still there.
This is my victory. My triumph. I didn’t let my panic force me into a dark hole. I didn’t let the fact that I deviated from the plan bring me down.
I set my issue in the sun for all to see. I can only defeat the terrible thoughts if I acknowledge their ever-looming presence.
Life isn’t about what I should do, but what I want to do… what I need to make me the best me ever. Living is about forgiving myself when I walk a different path than what I had initially planned.
What battles have you fought and won lately?