Yes. You heard me correctly.
My wording needs a bit of glue, or tape, or magic. Something. One of my writer friends likes to point out all the places I can submit short stories, because she knows I like them…and maybe because she thinks I write good. Maybe. She found a press looking for equine stories, including not only horses, but unicorns or pegasuses… pegasi… pegai? No one seems to know the plural form of pegasus.
The call of writing a story with a unicorn was strong. So I brainstormed and came up with an idea. I have about ten handwritten pages of notes: backstory, character development, the action…SO MUCH EMOTION.
And about a week ago I opened a new word doc and typed the title… CHASING HAPPY.
Then I stared at the screen.
And stared at the screen.
After a while of doing that I gave up. The writing wasn’t going to happen.
Well, in a week I have added about 250 words. Wow. That sucks. And if you read the words, you’d be even less impressed.
BUT WHY? WHY ARE THE WORDS BROKEN?
I have the whole thing in my head, images, scenes, even a bit of dialogue.
Suddenly, the whole forming a sentence skill vanished.
I have no idea what’s going on. No idea. And I’m not letting it bother me, because this will pass. It always does.
But what is stopping me?
That dreaded beginning. We all know I don’t handle beginnings well, at all. I love killer opening lines and I don’t have one.
Could be the problem.
The fact that I would love to write a fabulous piece and have it accepted, but THEN IT MUST BE PERFECT AND I MUST BE PERFECT! Demanding perfection of oneself tends to cause issues.
Very likely the culprit.
Or maybe, just maybe, it isn’t ready to be written. I only think it is.
Or all of the above.
Ab. So. Freakin. Lutely.
Though I can’t really tell, for all the usual fear is being rather quiet. Quiet fear is the worst. It hides. It sneaks around. It is impossible to drag from the shadows and face. But it’s there. Must be. Or I’d have a story.
I’m not stressing. Cause we all know that would make it all four hundred million times worse.
I’m staying in my main character’s head. I’m keeping my theme close to my heart. I’m holding onto the awesome images I have conjured in my mind.
Submissions open on September 1st, so I have time. A little.
In writing…or in everyday life…there are thoughts, possibly hidden, that keep us from doing what we want. Strange whispers hover at the edge of dreams, making us sit when we want to stand or run.
We face those moments of action time and time again. The moment we stomp on the fear and get things done break the barriers…usually.
My normal, JUST-DO-IT didn’t work for me this time. Weird.
The panic hasn’t set in, the racing freight train of failure hasn’t crashed into the station…just this odd confused calm where I shrug and say, “Wording hard. Sentences don’t compute.” My fingers stumble on the keyboard.
But it won’t last forever. I am prepared to battle for the opportunity to tell this story. One word at a time. For my unicorn! (Disclaimer: the unicorn in my story will not be like this…think darker)