Son of a Pitch, round 2, begins! Welcome to Team Dark Side.
Eleven posts, for eleven entries. Four other blogs are hosting more! The comment section is for Son of a Pitch authors to leave their thoughts. So please do not comment unless you are a Son of a Pitch author. Thank you!
Onto entry 10!
Title: The Spider Man
Category and Genre: (YA/Horror)
Word Count: (63,000)
Query:
In The Spider Man, honor student, track star, and reluctant medium Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. She also knows that they can never, ever touch the living. Except that Jenner can. Jenner, the sexy wall-climbing ghost who has haunted her family for years has been visiting her at night and together he and Tressa have been breaking all the rules.
For Tressa, keeping her confusing secrets under control is becoming impossible as the malevolent spirit of Jenner’s abusive stepfather rises from the river to terrorize her, and Jenner’s whispered invitations to join him on the other side are sounding more and more tempting every night. Only when Tressa embarks on a road trip to face the truth about Jenner’s last days does she begin to understand her family’s history and the extraordinary possibilities of her own life, as well as the dangerous forces conspiring to end it. Only when she embraces her responsibilities to those who are living can she find happiness with Silas, the fellow artist who loves her, and break away from the dead boy who would destroy her.
First 250 Words:
Jenner wasn’t always a troubled ghost with tendencies toward madness. Once he was a boy who did what it took to save his sister. Please remember him first for the fact that he was good. He was very young but his heart was a hero’s heart and that part of him never died.
When they were sixteen Jenner’s twin sister Ellen had taken to wearing jeans and heavy boots to bed at night and blocking the door with her dresser. It was made of oak and a good shield against danger. Ellen felt safer with the door barred since their mother’s boyfriend Nolan moved back in.
Nolan was not good.
He sometimes left their mother for long stretches when no one would know where he was. Those were oasis times when Ellen and Jenner forgot that he existed the same way children who get over the stomach flu forget that they were ever sick. Lately Nolan was around all the time like a nausea that would never lift. He drank whiskey and swore at their mother. He leered at Ellen and when no one was looking found excuses to brush his body against hers.
Ellen and Jenner hated him.
Mom’s hand shook around her cigarettes as ash drooped off their ends. Jenner stayed out of the house as much as possible. To Jenner, Nolan was a source of quick, sharp kicks from steel-toed boots and the smell of engine oil.
And now my critique. Yes, I am doing it right now, if you don’t want to read my thoughts, stop here.
First, a disclaimer…
Hi, my name is Kathy. I am not a writing god or expert. I will tell you what works for me and what doesn’t. I will put in honest reactions. Please take the comments that make sense to YOU for YOUR ms. Please disregard any comments that aren’t relevant. I will ask a butt-ton (seriously, I don’t know exactly how much a butt-ton is, but it’s a lot) of questions to spark your creative brain. Any questions that I ask that give you an AH-HA moment run with all those ideas! The questions that don’t send lightning to your mind…ignore. Please listen to all the other wonderfully talented people who will stop by.
Thank you for sharing your words. Your words are important. You are awesome!
Query:
In The Spider Man, honor student, track star, and reluctant medium Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. (I’d cut the beginning of this sentence and add in her age… “Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium, (insert age) year old Tressa Murphy…” And I LIKE GHOSTS!) She also knows that they can never, ever touch the living. (Because if they do something terrible happens or because they physically cannot?) Except that Jenner can. Jenner, the sexy wall-climbing ghost who has haunted her family (So not just Tressa knows of him?) for years has been visiting her at night and together he and Tressa have been breaking all the rules. (what rules are they breaking and why…what drives her to break them?)
For Tressa, keeping her confusing secrets (what secrets? Why does she have to keep them under control?) under control is becoming impossible as the malevolent spirit of Jenner’s abusive stepfather rises from the river to terrorize her (why is he terrorizing her?), and Jenner’s whispered invitations to join him on the other side are sounding more and more tempting every night (OH NO TRESSA! What is driving her to consider death? Jenner’s dad or other things?). Only when Tressa embarks on a road trip to face the truth about Jenner’s last days (Wait, she’s going to find where Jenner lived and died? Why?) does she begin to understand her family’s history and the extraordinary possibilities of her own life (what possibilites? What family history?), as well as the dangerous forces conspiring to end it (What dangerous forces?). Only when she embraces her responsibilities to those who are living can she find happiness with Silas (who’s Silas? You can’t just throw him at me at the end here! AH!), the fellow artist who loves her, and break away from the dead boy who would destroy her.
I love ghosts! I love evil ghosts! I would read this. But the query is vague. Tell us what Tressa can do, her “powers” and why she does it. Tell us her secrets. Tell us her fears. Tell us what she is willing to do to get what she wants. Tell us the pivotal moment where she has to decide between life and death. Is it when she faces Jenner and his father? Give us Silas earlier, so we know she has something to fight for. Show us the life she could lose.
First 250 Words:
Jenner wasn’t always a troubled ghost with tendencies toward madness. (Love!) Once he was a boy who did what it took to save his sister. Please remember him first for the fact that he was good. (This sentence takes me out of the story…don’t know how I feel about it, like breaking the fourth wall) He was very young but his heart was a hero’s heart and that part of him never died.
When they were sixteen Jenner’s twin sister Ellen had taken to wearing jeans and heavy boots to bed at night and blocking the door with her dresser. (When is this? What year?) It was made of oak and a good shield against danger. Ellen felt safer with the door barred since their mother’s boyfriend Nolan moved back in. (Oh no.)
Nolan was not good.
He sometimes left their mother for long stretches when no one would know where he was. (you can tighten this sentence up. “He would disappear for long stretches.” Might be all you need.) Those were oasis times when Ellen and Jenner forgot that he existed the same way children who get over the stomach flu forget that they were ever sick. Lately Nolan was around all the time like a nausea that would never lift. (Nice!) He drank whiskey and swore at their mother. He leered at Ellen and when no one was looking found excuses to brush his body against hers.
Ellen and Jenner hated him.
Mom’s hand shook around her cigarettes as ash drooped off their ends. Jenner stayed out of the house as much as possible. To Jenner, Nolan was a source of quick, sharp kicks from steel-toed boots and the smell of engine oil. (Nice!)
This is probably a prologue? Because after reading about Tressa in the query I expected to be in her head…but this is interesting. I don’t mind prologues, if it is info we need and there is no other way to give it to us. Jenner’s story is heartbreaking for sure. When you introduce him as a ghost later, we’ll know all about him and Nolan. No mystery. If that’s what you want, go for it.
I wonder if the entire ms omniscient POV?
For the author of this entry…Feel free to comment on what I have said and you can certainly post revisions!
Again, THANK YOU for participating. Sharing your words and opening up for critique is difficult. We all are here to help you make your ms as shiny as possible. Good luck with all the writing!
Query:
Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. The umpteen-year-old also knows that they can never, ever touch the living. Except for one??. Jenner, the sexy wall-climbing ghost who has haunted her family for years, has been visiting her at night and together he and Tressa have been breaking all the rules. (How/why is she immune to him/his touch?)
For Tressa, keeping her confusing secrets (Powers?) under control is becoming impossible as the (malevolent – needed?)spirit of Jenner’s abusive stepfather rises from the river to terrorize her (why? Did Jenner share his secret?), and Jenner’s whispered invitations to join him on the other side are sounding more and more tempting every night.
Tressa embarks on a road trip to face(or learn?) the truth about Jenner’s last days does she begin to understand her family’s history and the extraordinary possibilities of her own life, as well as the dangerous forces conspiring to end it.(need clarity here. Is this critical to the query? ) Only when she embraces her responsibilities to those who are living can she find happiness with Silas,(this snuck up on me?) the fellow artist who loves her, and break away from the dead boy who would destroy her. (love this last part)
Your query has some really great points and phrasings and the premise sounds awesome, but there’s a lot in here. This is off to a great start – just narrow down Is the story about a love triangle? A medium getting tricked by the dead? An inherited power that is messing with her life. Paring it down can be tough but you can do this. Great start.
First 250 Words:
Jenner wasn’t always a troubled ghost with tendencies toward madness. (Powerful!) Once he was a boy who did what it took to save his sister. Please remember him first for the fact that he was good. (Is someone thinking this?) He was very young but his heart was a hero’s heart and that part of him never died.
When they were sixteen Jenner’s twin sister Ellen had taken to wearing jeans and heavy boots to bed at night and blocking the door with her dresser. It was made of oak and a good shield against danger. Ellen felt safer with the door barred since their mother’s boyfriend Nolan moved back in.
Nolan was not good.
He sometimes left their mother for long stretches when no one would know where he was. Those were oasis times when Ellen and Jenner forgot that he existed the same way children who get over the stomach flu forget that they were ever sick. Lately Nolan was around all the time like a nausea that would never lift. (wow) He drank whiskey and swore at their mother. He leered at Ellen and when no one was looking found excuses to brush his body against hers.
Ellen and Jenner hated him.
(Mom’s hand shook around her cigarettes as ash drooped off their ends. – this line felt farther from the story for me since it was the first mention of mom like this – makes me wonder if there was more to that thought? As she did nothing?)) Jenner stayed out of the house as much as possible. To Jenner, Nolan was a source of quick, sharp kicks from steel-toed boots and the smell of engine oil.
While I wasn’t sure whether this was an introduction or a flashback, the writing pulled me in. The use of phrasings and details – both overtly and subtly, brought these horrors to light and fleshed out what they were enduring. Love the writing. Great job.
All of my thoughts /suggestions/opinions are humbly offered. Thanks for sharing your work.
Thank you so much, writer friends! I am so grateful. Looking over your comments, I’m considering starting the MS at another place altogether. When I post a revision of the query would it be okay if the first 250 were different?
Thank you again, so so much.
My vote is okay – go for it.
Query:
Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium, sixteen-year-old Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. She also knows that the energy of the dead is too weak for them to ever be able to touch the living. Except that Jenner can. Jenner, a wild green-eyed ghost she picks up one night on the way home from a party, soothes her with stories and kisses that let her forget just for a while the crushing stress of her parents’ constant fighting.
For Tressa, the balance between the spirit world and her place among the living tips when her cravings for Jenner’s nightly visits grow stronger every day, and the malevolent spirit of his dead stepfather rises from the river to threaten them both. When intriguing older guy Silas from her Saturday art class reaches out to her in concern, Tressa knows for certain that she’ll never be able to start a normal relationship or even keep her hard-earned gains in school and track while in the grip of her growing addiction to Jenner.
Only when Tressa embarks on a road trip to New Mexico to discover in the story of Jenner’s last days the truth about their entwined fates can she begin to break free from his allure and help him find peace. Only in finding out the truth about her family’s genetic ties to the goddess Brigid can she make sense of her ability to talk with the dead. And only in finding solace with Jenner’s living sister in a desert community dedicated to helping others can she learn to accept her parents’ break up, loosen ties with the dead boy who would destroy her, and find happiness with the artist who loves her.
First 250 words:
Twenty years before I was born, Jenner wasn’t a troubled ghost with tendencies toward madness. Once he was a boy who did what it took to save his sister. He was very young but his heart was a hero’s heart and that part of him never died.
When they were sixteen Jenner’s twin sister Ellen had taken to wearing jeans and heavy boots to bed and blocking the door with her oak dresser. Ellen felt safer with the door barred since their mother’s boyfriend Nolan moved back in.
Sometimes Nolan left their mother for long stretches. Those were oasis times when Ellen and Jenner forgot that he existed the same way children who get over the stomach flu forget that they were ever sick. Lately Nolan was around all the time like a nausea that would never lift. He drank whiskey and swore at their mother. He leered at Ellen and when no one was looking found excuses to brush his body against hers.
Mom’s fingers shook around her cigarettes as ash drooped off their ends. Jenner stayed out of the house as much as possible. To Jenner, Nolan was a source of quick, sharp kicks from steel-toed boots and the smell of engine oil.
Before Nolan returned, Ellen had been a strong girl. With Nolan in the house, she’d become dry and brittle as the grasses that grew by the roadside in the summertime. She was a pale husk, blowing to pieces in a hot wind.
Okay! The query is much clearer! I really like the first para! However, it got a bit long. No problem. Cutting is easier than adding I always say!
Para 2…(For Tressa, the balance between the spirit world and her place among the living tips when)<cut this… Tressa's cravings for Jenner’s nightly visits grow stronger every day, (and the malevolent spirit of his dead stepfather rises from the river to threaten them both.)<this seems out of place here, but I don't know where to move it, does dealing with the father become part of the stakes? Does his presence drive her to search for answers to be free?… When intriguing older guy Silas from her Saturday art class reaches out to her in concern, Tressa knows for certain that she’ll never be able to start a normal relationship or even keep her hard-earned gains in school and track while in the grip of her growing addiction to Jenner.
Para 3…(Only when Tressa embarks on a road trip to New Mexico to discover in the story of Jenner’s last days the truth about their entwined fates can she begin to break free from his allure and help him find peace)<this sentence is long and confusing. (Only in finding out the truth about her family’s genetic ties to the goddess Brigid can she make sense of her ability to talk with the dead.)<this feels subplottish and not necessary for the query…Maybe focus on just breaking her addiction to Jenner…
And only in finding solace with Jenner’s living sister in a desert community dedicated to helping others can she learn to accept her parents’ break up, loosen ties with the dead boy who would destroy her, and find happiness with the artist who loves her.
This ending is what she needs to do, but give me the moment she decides to do it. Give me the choice of going on a road trip in search of answers or living with Jenner forever. If she doesn't leave home and do this, if she doesn't skip school or whatever and take a chance on learning this…then what? And learning this is a chance, she proabably has no idea if she can figure it all out!
The first 250…
The before I was born is interesting, but then the "I" doesn't come back…so, I'm not sure what to do with it. This is a prologue, right? Is this supposed to be what Tressa learned about him? Is this supposed to be a look at Jenner's life from an omniscent POV? Should this be a look at Jenner's life through his POV?
Or…can we learn all this later through the sister? Or through Jenner’s ghost?
Thank you! I see everything you are saying about the query. Back to the drawing board.
I also am rethinking where I’m starting. I don’t like prologues. Next go around, I’m redoing the query again and starting in another place in the story.
Query:
Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium, sixteen-year-old Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. She also knows that the energy of the dead is too weak for them to ever be able to touch the living. Except that Jenner can. Jenner, a wild green-eyed ghost she picks up on the way home from a party, soothes her with stories and kisses that let her forget just for a while the crushing stress of her parents’ constant fighting.
Tressa’s cravings for Jenner’s nightly visits grow stronger every day, crossing into an obsession that threatens to ruin her friendships as well as her hard-earned gains in school and track. When intriguing older guy Silas from her Saturday art class reaches out to her in concern, Tressa knows for certain that she’ll never be able to start a normal relationship or enjoy a regular life while in the grip of her growing addiction to Jenner.
When her parents plan to take her to a treatment center for evaluation, Tressa must make a terrifying decision. She can either run away to the desert town where Jenner died to discover the truth about his last days, or submit to the care of doctors who will question her sanity for believing in ghosts. Tressa isn’t the type to rebel, yet she knows that it is only in bearing witness to the tragedy behind the end of Jenner’s life that she can set free the dead boy who would destroy her and find happiness with the artist who loves her.
First 250:
When I dropped Rob off after the party where I found him kissing another girl, he tried mashing his beer-slimy lips against mine. I pushed him off and he flopped like a rubber chicken boy.
He got out and lay down on the grass.
“Just gonna chill here,” he said. “Bye.”
I drove away from Rob’s farmhouse on the levee, not even sad. Rob was fun sometimes but he only ever talked about working out and cars. He also drank too much. Rob embarrassing me at a party was a gross way to end it, but at least it was ended.
The warm wind tasted like summertime and blooming trees, clearing the car of Rob’s pickled sweat.
He stinks, a deep voice growled from the passenger seat.
I startled, jerking to the right. The bumper shrieked against the railing. The hitcher from nowhere whooped while I fought to keep from spinning over the levee. After my tires quit squealing I realized what he was.
He hung out the window and he howled at the stars, crackling with sparks and fire. An old song exploded from the radio and he sang along with the voice of a rock and roll angel.
His eyes were green and they glowed in the dark.
“Who are you?” I asked.
I’m an old, old friend, Baby.
I laughed even though I should have been mad. I could have wrecked the car, killing both of us dead.
Well, not both of us. One of us was already dead.
I don’t have mush to say about the query. I think it’s clear. I like the last para now. I really see the decision she is facing.
First 250:
When I dropped Rob off after the party where I found him kissing another girl, he tried mashing his beer-slimy lips against mine. I pushed him off and he flopped like a rubber chicken boy. (I am staring at this opening…and thinking. Because it doesn’t really grab me, but I can’t think of how it could be stronger. Ugh…You could start with dialogue…”You were kissing her!” “Well, babe, she was hot.” He leans forward, his beer-slimy lips puckered. “And so are you.” And she hits him. Anyway…whatever you think is best!)
He got out and lay down on the grass. (He got out? You can make that stronger, especially if he’s drunk. Lol! For a sec I thought that when she pushed him off, he fell out of the car.)
“Just gonna chill here,” he said. “Bye.”
I drove away from Rob’s farmhouse on the levee, not even sad. Rob was fun sometimes but he only ever talked about working out and cars. He also drank too much. Rob embarrassing me at a party was a gross way to end it, but at least it was ended. (Maybe a bit of what she did want. A bit of a hint that her life was )
The warm wind tasted like summertime and blooming trees, clearing the car of Rob’s pickled sweat. (so her window is down?)
He stinks, a deep voice growled from the passenger seat. (OH HELLO THERE CREEPY! Put the ghost voice in italics?)
I startled, jerking to the right. The bumper shrieked against the railing. The hitcher from nowhere whooped while I fought to keep from spinning over the levee. After my tires quit squealing I realized what he was. (This last sentence could be stronger…I think she would be gripping the wheel, trying to catch her breath, show us that ghosts are a normal thing for her…how she maybe doesn’t want to acknowledge the presence, doesn’t want to deal with it, but can’t help it…because she isn’t afraid. Then she turns her head…)
He (show us what “he” looks like) hung out the window and he howled at the stars, crackling with sparks and fire. An old song exploded from the radio and he sang along with the voice of a rock and roll angel. (The radio was on?)
His eyes were green and they glowed in the dark. (WHEEEEEE! Gotta love glowing eyes!)
“Who are you?” I asked. (so a new ghost? Make sure we know this is something she deals with all the time? Once a week? Once a month?)
I’m an old, old friend, Baby. (italics?)
I laughed even though I should have been mad. I could have wrecked the car, killing both of us dead.
Well, not both of us. One of us was already dead. (Ha! Love that. This beginning pulls me in much more than the other. I love when the ghost shows up. The story really takes off for me there.)
Aha! Yes. Thank you so much. Back to work!
Query:
Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium, sixteen-year-old Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. She also knows that the energy of the dead is too weak for them to ever be able to touch the living. Except that Jenner can. Jenner, a wild green-eyed ghost she picks up one night on the way home from a party, soothes her with stories and kisses that let her forget just for a while the crushing stress of her parents’ constant fighting.
Tressa’s cravings for Jenner’s nightly visits grow stronger every day, crossing into an obsession that threatens to ruin her friendships as well as her hard-earned gains in school and track. When intriguing older guy Silas from her Saturday art class reaches out to her in concern, Tressa knows for certain that she’ll never be able to start a normal relationship or enjoy a regular life while in the grip of her growing addiction to Jenner.
When her parents plan to take her to a treatment center for evaluation, Tressa must make a terrifying decision. She can either run away to the desert town where Jenner died to discover the truth about his last days, or submit to the care of doctors who will question her sanity for believing in ghosts. Tressa isn’t the type to rebel, yet she knows that it is only in bearing witness to the tragedy behind the end of Jenner’s life that she can set free the dead boy who would destroy her and find happiness with the artist who loves her.
First 250: On the drive home from a party, the breeze through my open windows tasted of sweet alfalfa fields and the trees that bloomed in the spring in the Delta orchards. The party had been loud and beer soaked and I was glad to leave early enough to catch the moonrise tossing silver light on the river. School would be out in a month and as I drove along the levee road summer stretched ahead like a promise of something good.
Can I get a ride? A deep voice growled from the passenger seat, startling me into jerking the wheel. My bumper shrieked against the railing and the hitcher whooped while I fought to keep from spinning over the levee.
He hung his head out the window, his white blonde hair whipping his face, howling at the stars, crackling with sparks. An old song exploded from the radio and he sang along with the voice of a rock star angel.
We fell back into the seat, the car filled with the scents of smoke and leather. His eyes were green and they glowed in the dark.
He came out of nowhere like the dead always do and so I knew what he was.
“Who are you?” I asked.
I’m an old, old friend, Baby. Can you guess my name?
I laughed even though I should have been mad. I could have wrecked the car, killing both of us dead.
Well, not both of us. One of us was already dead.
First 250: On the drive home from a party, the breeze through my open windows tasted of sweet alfalfa fields and the trees that bloomed in the spring in the Delta orchards. The party had been loud and beer soaked and I was glad to leave early enough to catch the moonrise tossing silver light on the river. School would be out in a month and as I drove along the levee road summer stretched ahead like a promise of something good. (Nice detail! I can feel the joy of coming freedom.)
Can I get a ride? A deep voice growled from the passenger seat, ( I love that! Creepy ghost voice!) startling me into jerking the wheel. My bumper shrieked against the railing and the hitcher whooped while I fought to keep from spinning over the levee.
He hung his head out the window, his white blonde hair whipping his face, howling at the stars, crackling with sparks.(This now sounds like the stars are crackling and sparking when I thought it was him…easy fix!) An old song exploded from the radio and he sang along with the voice of a rock star angel.
We fell back into the seat, the car filled with the scents of smoke and leather. His eyes were green and they glowed in the dark.
He came out of nowhere like the dead always do and so I knew what he was.(I don’t think you need “and so I knew what he was”)
“Who are you?” I asked.
I’m an old, old friend, Baby. Can you guess my name?
I laughed even though I should have been mad. I could have wrecked the car, killing both of us dead.
Well, not both of us. One of us was already dead. (I love that line. And looks like maybe the freedom might be over?)
Working on this with you has been pure joy, Kathy. I don’t know what I did to deserve your close attention and help, but I’ve learned so much through this that I feel that I can apply to my other work as well. Thank you. I’ll post another version attending to your notes. I am deeply grateful.
It has been a pleasure to help. I remember writing at home alone before I had my writers group and Twitter with no one to help me. I had to teach myself. Keep writing horror! There isn’t enough of it! I’m so glad I could help.
Query:
Honor student, track star, and reluctant medium, sixteen-year-old Tressa Murphy knows that lonely ghosts are everywhere. She also knows that the energy of the dead is too weak for them to ever be able to touch the living. Except that Jenner can. Jenner, a wild green-eyed ghost she picks up one night on the way home from a party, soothes her with stories and kisses that let her forget just for a while the crushing stress of her parents’ constant fighting.
Tressa’s cravings for Jenner’s nightly visits grow stronger every day, crossing into an obsession that threatens to ruin her friendships as well as her hard-earned gains in school and track. When intriguing older guy Silas from her Saturday art class reaches out to her in concern, Tressa knows for certain that she’ll never be able to start a normal relationship or enjoy a regular life while in the grip of her growing addiction to Jenner.
When her parents plan to take her to a treatment center for evaluation, Tressa must make a terrifying decision. She can either run away to the desert town where Jenner died to discover the truth about his last days, or submit to the care of doctors who will question her sanity for believing in ghosts. Tressa isn’t the type to rebel, yet she knows that it is only in bearing witness to the tragedy behind the end of Jenner’s life that she can set free the dead boy who would destroy her and find happiness with the artist who loves her.
First 250:
On the drive home from a party, the breeze through my open windows tasted of sweet alfalfa fields and the trees that bloomed in the spring in the Delta orchards. The party had been loud and beer soaked and I was glad to leave early enough to catch the moonrise tossing silver light on the river. School would be out in a month and as I drove along the levee road summer stretched ahead like a promise.
Can I get a ride? A deep voice growled from the passenger seat, startling me into jerking the wheel. My bumper shrieked against the railing and the hitcher from nowhere whooped while I fought to keep from spinning over the levee.
He hung his head out the window, his white blonde hair whipping his face, his skin crackling with sparks as he howled at the moon. An old song exploded from the radio and he sang along with the voice of a rock star angel.
We fell back into the seat, the car filled with the scents of smoke and leather. His eyes were green and they glowed in the dark.
He came out of nowhere like the dead always do and so I knew what he was.
“Who are you?” I asked.
I’m an old, old friend, Baby. Can you guess my name?
I laughed even though I should have been mad. I could have wrecked the car, killing both of us dead.
Well, not both of us. One of us was already dead.
Nice! The first 250 are fun! I like when the ghost appears! Can I get a ride? So creepy and delicious. And now I get that he is crackling and sparking! Which is a super cool image!
LOVE this! Please let me know when it’s published!
Thank you so much. AND thank you thank you thank you for running such an amazing, inclusive event. What a gift.
It is completely my honor! I love getting a sneak peek at the future publishing world!