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New year, new you!

I’ve heard this a lot. Every January 1st.

It’s a nice thought. That we can head into the new year and just…be someone else. Suddenly do things differently.

Though each year, I find that I am still the same old me. The same fears and doubts. The same bad habits. The same crazy, weirdness all wrapped up in moments of anxiety and depression and fun. The same girl living in a world asking it to love her…OMG I WENT ALL NOTTING HILL.

Save me.

I look back on last year and I guess I did stuff. I wrote stuff. I submitted stuff. I feel as though I was holding my breath. Did I accomplish every thing I wanted? Nope.

As I head into this year, I will write stuff. Maybe hear about the stuff I submitted. Still be the weird me who overthinks and forgets to just be. Maybe I will stop holding my breath. Maybe.

I will have moments where I AM DOING SO GOOD LOOK AT ME.

I will have moments where I SUCK AND I AM A FAILURE AND OMG WHAT AM I DOING WHO AM I.

New me? Nope. Just me. But being me is fine. I am working on making me better every day.

Resolutions? Goals?

Not really. They never work for me. They feel like weights around my neck, holding me down instead of setting me free. I want to remember to enjoy myself. I want to make me a bit better every day. And the days where I can’t? Those are okay.

One breath at a time.

I have things I want to do. I will do my best. And when I am pretty sure I am not doing my best, that I could do so much more if only this and I should that, I will remind myself that the ‘if only’s’ and ‘shoulds’ can go jump in a river. Those will hold me back. Those will steal my happiness.

Life is nothing without happy. Stress comes and goes. Fear is a liar. Happy is forever.

New year, new me?

New year…and me, along for the ride, ready to move forward however I can with my hands in the air and a smile on my face.