I like to say I’m pretty darn lucky.
However, spoiled likes to duck into the picture.
I don’t have a day job. I haven’t had one since I got pregnant 15 years ago and became a stay-at-home mom. My dream job, to sit in my house. Well, not sit, maybe, but I didn’t have to leave.
When I started writing, Hubs and I had a deal…I either get published or I get a day job when the kids get old enough to take care of themselves. That time has come and gone. I probably should have crawled out into the real world and found a way to make actual money a few years ago. But the thought made me want to cry, made me want to curl up into a ball of NOOOOOOO! I had a few jobs in my life, jobs that sucked my soul dry, jobs that shoved me in a hole of depression. Let’s face it, I’m pretty smart, but an art degree doesn’t get you anything other than grunt worker.
So I dodged. I ducked. I hid.
Something so many people can’t do.
Then I signed with a publisher.
So technically, I don’t have to get a mind-numbing job that I will hate. But honestly, I won’t make much money with this book or the next, maybe the next. This is not a means to get rich. But I love it, it’s what I must do, so I write more. And hubs seems okay with this.
I’m still here doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry. I’m still here able to get the kids anywhere at anytime, doctors appointments, sports, friends’ houses. I’ve been able to volunteer for school field trips, girl scouts, and Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
Hubs works two jobs. He has for a long time. If I got a job, he wouldn’t stop, so it’s not like me sitting on my butt is keeping him from being able to leave one. I’m going to three conferences this year, because he said to go! I should go! That is part of this writer job. He just bought me a new computer, which arrives later this week, because this computer has been doing odd things and it’s scaring me.
We’ve made our way into our forties and worked our way into a comfortable existence. Mostly I feel undeserving of all of it. The life we have created is great and I thank God, the Universe, whatever you want to call the something bigger out there everyday for what we have.
Mostly just grateful. Mostly hoping I can be deserving.