Skipping Along the Path I have Chosen

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choices, deciding, doubt, frustration, thoughts, writing, writing paths

In the world of writing and publishing, there are so many choices, so many paths to take.

Get an agent and try traditional publishing with the big houses or small presses.

Don’t get an agent and query small presses or self-publish.

And one is no better or worse than the others.

Choose the path that speaks to you, the road that is a right fit. Only you can know which way to go. And there is nothing wrong with changing your mind and carving a new path.

As you travel your road, find friends to support you, because each way is full of waiting and doubt and frustration and excitement…a roller coaster of emotion. Find people who will stand by you, cheering you on as you go, people who will never add to the frustration and doubt, people who will be there to remind you that you are doing what you want, doing what feels right.

Listen to your heart. Follow it.

I chose to sub to small presses. No agent, just me and my words. I signed with a small press, the one I wanted, the one that clicked with my wants, the one that spoke to me. The publishing process has been long, a lot of waiting. Some frustration. It’s been a ride, but every choice has its ups and downs. Never have I regretted signing with them. Never. This is right for me and my ms.

Through all my waiting, I have had to defend my decision. I have had people tell me I was wrong. I have had people warn me of impending doom, that I would be lost, forgotten. They did it because they care (I think)…they want the best for me and my words. I would smile and nod, and on the inside SCREAM. Scream at how I have chosen my path and am happy with my decision. So you aren’t happy with my decision…I DON’T CARE WHY MUST I EXPLAIN MYSELF I AM AN ADULT AND AM OKAY!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I am happy with my choice therefore everything will be fine, it will be better than fine. IT WILL BE AWESOME!

No matter your intention, no matter how much you care, continuing to tell people what they should have chosen, how their choice will lead to bad things will hurt that person.

Be there with a smile. There is already doubt and frustration, adding to that will not help.

You would choose a different path? Go choose it…for you and not anyone else.

If they face the choice and are looking for help, tell your story, tell why you chose what you did, explain the positives and negatives that you have experienced along the way. Then let them take the information and do what they will.

When a decision is made, it’s made for a reason, a valid and perfectly acceptable reason, one that makes sense to that person. This is always the right decision, no defending or explaining is required. If doubt surfaces, encourage the exploration of other roads, not how to fix it. (seriously, that is my hubs, I want to strangle him)

There is no right or wrong in a personal decision.

In writing and in life, when someone has chosen a path, support them and we will be a stronger community, stronger people.

#Magicday…Choices

Tags

choices, happiness, Julie Hutchings, publishing, thoughts, writing

I just read a blog post by the FABULOUS Julie Hutchings. Go…go read it…I’ll wait…here, let me help.

The Joy of Not Playing Well with Others

Isn’t she great? She’s my Gorky.

Anyway, her post made me think, as good posts do.

Taking control of your life is the greatest thing you can ever do. Having control means different things to different people. Everyone is different. Control means seeing the choices, it means not allowing life to put you in a box, afraid to take a chance, afraid to live.

We’re here. Alive. We should be living.

When you’re not happy, look at the choices. There are always choices! Always.

As Julie says, “WAIT I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT PERIOD THE END OH MY GOD.”

Words to live by.

For writers, we have multiple ways we can go, agents, small presses, self-publishing… Like Julie, if you aren’t happy with previous choices, you can forge another path. Things in publishing (as in life) rarely go as planned, a big giant awful fabulous mess, one we jump into because we love it. But don’t ever feel like you don’t have control over your life. You do. In this glorious time, writers have so many choices, more than ever. Even if those choices are scary. Even if those choices mean more work, mean stepping out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes we forget. We forget we can leave the rut we have carefully worn. We forget to look at the things in life that frustrate us or make us unhappy and ask what else can we do.

Remember that when you climb out of the rut, when you find another path, there are people who will always be there to help. As I will be there to help my Gorky, and happily read all her books! Though, dude…five books in one year?

YOU ARE A MAD WOMAN, JULIE!

 

When you find what works, go with it. Happiness will follow.

Because They’re My Choices

Tags

being me, choices, introverts, satisfied, thoughts

I’m going to let everyone in on a secret.

I can take care of myself. Believe it or not.

My hubs has this strange impression that because I don’t talk to people means that I am scared to talk to people and therefore need someone to do it “for me”. Because I’m four. Obviously.

Not true. I don’t usually talk to people, mostly because I tend to end up becoming a big ole ball of fuzzy awkwardness and I say things in my own special weird way, which is not always…appreciated. Okay, people look at me funny, like I just told them I believe in faeries.

Why, yes. Yes I do.

Being an introvert has its own set of issues. I am less likely to join a group, to talk to people, to strut out into the world as if I belong. Sure. But if I have a question, if I want to know something, I’ll ask.

If I choose not to ask…and yes, this is a choice, not fear…the knowing isn’t at the top of my list. Simple. All necessary answers will appear when needed. And some things I honestly don’t care if I know.

When I don’t approach a store clerk to ask a question, it’s because I’m okay with no answer. Even if that means I miss out on whatever it was I was thinking of doing. I chose not to ask and I will deal with any consequences of that choice, without crying, without whining.

I also do not need anyone to ask “for me” or tell me how I should have handled the situation.

I am always very happy with how I handle situations.

The problem hits when someone else disagrees with my choices. This is not my problem. I will not go back and change my actions to satisfy them.

However, this always makes me anxious. I begin to spiral down the I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT void.

Which is ridiculous.

Let me say it again. If I want to know, I’ll ask. I’m not four-years-old and need anyone to do it for me, nor do I want to be told what to do or what I should have done. Guess what, I’m not going to do things your way…

Why?

I’m not you.

What do I want?

To be allowed to live the way that works best for me. To be allowed to stay silent. To be accepted for all my awkwardness. It’s taken 43 years for me to make it here, that’s a lot of work.

That got a little ranty… yeah…

 

And I apologize to all the people who have had to deal with my strange brew of weird when I open my mouth.

Weird – a Magical Confidence

Tags

be happy, be you, choices, growing up, thoughts, weirdness

My 12yo daughter will smile and say, “We’re weird, Mom, and that’s okay.”

Wow. Such wisdom. If only I had known.

When I was 12, or even 13, 14, 15, 16… 21, 22… yeah, you get the picture, if I would have been able to say that I liked me, that being me made me happy, that being different was my choice, life would have been… better? different? happier? Maybe. Not being like everyone else had been my choice, but I didn’t see it that way. I thought something was wrong with me. I was weird. I was quiet, a goodie-two-shoes (still am *puffs chest out*), got good grades, read books, drew strange pictures of evil-looking creatures (it freaked my mom out), didn’t wear all the latest trends, and liked being home with my mom and dad.

And I was happy that way, but couldn’t see it!

Kids made fun of me. I didn’t get to go to all the parties. Boys did not ask me to dance. Something must have been wrong with me. That terrible inner voice screamed that no one liked me. I desperately wanted someone to like me, which would be difficult considering I didn’t really like myself. In the midst of our strange teen years, does anyone really like themselves?

So now, as an *cough*adult*cough* I embraced the weird, the different. I like to be me. Not everyone gets to see that brilliance shine, because not everyone will completely appreciate it. I’m okay with that. I don’t need everyone to like me.

I still don’t go with the flow. A group of friends isn’t calling me to go out. I take myself to the movies. I’d rather be home with my cats, computer, and chocolate. My greatest wish is to have time to myself every night.

I hope I am teaching my kids to be happy, to understand that not being like everyone else is a choice, one you should celebrate. Other people’s lives are not molds to fit ours into. Be happy with what you choose and who you choose to be.

Embrace it. And never look back.