Thanksgiving, Deadlines, and Me…Oh My

Tags

anxiety, deadlines, do my best, family, Thanksgiving, thoughts, unfocused, vacation

I don’t know about everyone else, but holidays always throw me off. They chuck me right off my path, rip any plans to shreds, and laugh at me.

And that’s okay. I like holidays.

Last week I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. WE HAD THE BEST TIME! We ate yummy food, we laughed, we chatted about life, I got to visit with my nieces (well, three out of four, one was too sick to come), we saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, we played the board game Risk (I was doing okay, until my baby sister wiped me out), and celebrated Christmas early because we won’t be seeing each other then.

I love those moments I get to spend with my parents, my sisters, and nieces. We never know exactly how much time we have left.

But the week leading up to our trip, I tend to freak out. Anxiety flows freely. There are things to do before we leave…cleaning, packing, shopping.

And don’t get me started on taking the dog to the vet to be boarded…that was a disaster. We made it, but WOW what a stressful hour. Dogs are weird.

I don’t like to leave my house, my cats, my routine. I mean, once I’m off, I’m fine, but there is a voice in my head that tells me to STAY HOME, until we leave the driveway. So I’m pretty useless the few days before we go. I can’t focus. I can’t settle. I can’t think.

When we returned, I was tired. Emotionally exhausted from all the visiting. There is laundry, shopping, picking the dog up from the vet (that went smoothly), and getting everything back to how it should be.

So settling back into my routine takes a minute…or several.

Usually, I excuse myself from being a human being during all these moments. Get what needs to be done done and don’t worry about the rest.

Except, there’s this anthology and I have a pretty cool story idea. I want to submit it! But it isn’t written. It should have been written before Thanksgiving, but that didn’t happen.

I got home and should have sat down to finish it, but that didn’t happen. Until yesterday when the story passed 3000 words and I went to bed last night knowing I have one scene THE FINAL AWESOME SCENE left to write.

YEA!

Sure…

But…

Deadline for submissions…SUNDAY. As in this Sunday.

I got this. THIS IS FINE. I will submit it, all they can do is reject it. No biggie.

So Thanksgiving hurled me off course. I wouldn’t do it any differently. So my weird brain made it hard for me to focus, I am me. Fighting against my nature tends to cause more frustration.

I shall carry on. Do the best I can with what I got. As we all should.

Starting with Nothing

Tags

deadlines, panic, short stories, writing, writing is hard

I have to write a short story.

This should thrill me! I love this! Except the deadline is close.

Cue panic.

Cue trying to force the story into being.

Cue failure.

Cue me beating myself over the head because I’m doing this wrong.

I have images in my head. However, the pictures aren’t coming together to form something solid. I scribble everything I know… I write down whatever comes into my head… I cram all the pieces together and cry when it doesn’t work.

It’s not working. I’m missing something. A thought. An idea. An image. A spark. I’m missing the one thing that will drive this tale. I’ll find it. I will. Maybe all it needs is for me to start writing. Maybe all it needs is for me to take a nap.

There are stories that write themselves. There are stories we have to dig out of our minds with a shovel and pickaxe.  Ow.

Achievement Unlocked!

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accomplishments, busy, deadlines, goals, thoughts

Hello, September!

A month ago, I stared out at August and nearly fell over at the list waiting for me to complete it. Personal goals. Writing deadlines. Scheduled events. Holy mind-blowing adventures, friends!

I posted my first book review on my blog last month. I finished edits for two stories that will appear in the upcoming Reuts anthology. I wrote a story for the upcoming haunted house showcase for the Pen and Muse blog. I finished revising Doors (again) and sent it off to pitchwars. My Doors query looks better than ever. I critiqued a couple of stories and a MG manuscript for friends.

My daughter celebrated her 12th birthday this month. A new Dr. Who arrived.

What a month.

And I survived. Actually, I thrived. Sure panic threatened to consume my mortal soul, but my crazy, magical weirdness kept it at bay. Writing is my life. I want it to be my life forever. The challenge was met and conquered. My productivity last month gives me reason to smile.

I am lazy at heart. Procrastination is my spec-ee-al-ity… (as said in voice of little old man from Neverending Story, you know the one that observes the Oracle?).

As much as I doubt my talent, it is my talent and I came out of this month with some pretty darn good (and creepy) words. By golly.

Now… pitchwars mentees are announced on Wednesday. I don’t expect to be chosen, but am interested in who is. I love to cheer on my friends.

And then there is this feeling swirling deep in my mind. My words are out there, waiting for judgement. Something lurks in the near future, forming in the unknown. When it all come together, what will it bring. Pain? Joy? Both?

So through my new calm I have discovered after completing ALL THE THINGS, anxiety buzzes in my head. For now I’m good. Suddenly, I’m not in the kitchen looking for food every two minutes. Yes, last month there was much comfort eating. I am not ashamed.

For everyone out there, working towards deadlines and goals, you got this! For those of us enjoying the calm after the storm, remember, more storms will arrive. Hopefully, all the chaos brings joy, a sense of accomplishment, even with the moments of panic and tears.

Carry on!

 

Believing is the Magic

Tags

Believing, deadlines, dreams, Supporting others, thoughts, writing

“Why, Bryndel?” Her ma’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Why should I believe?”

Bryn turned and gazed at her ma. A woman, a person.

“Believing is the magic.”

The final words of my WIP ‘Doors’! Last time I dropped in, I had five chapters left to revise, and I had given myself a deadline, the end of April.

I finished on the first day of May. I missed my deadline … and I’m okay with that! I set the goal to get my butt in the chair and words on the screen. And that’s what I did. Real life came along. Tis the season for baseball and softball practices. My hubs was home looking to actually spend time with me. So I set aside my words for the family. But I went back! I didn’t give up! And I’m going to take myself to a movie to celebrate. The Quiet Ones. I know … that scary stuff again.

Now … I have a page of scribbled notes, thoughts of what I missed or little holes I want to fill. But not today. I am setting the ms aside for a week. I have been submerged in the words for a while and I need a break. “Let the eyebrows grow back” as my fabulous CP Elsie Elmore would say … http://elsieelmore.com/2014/05/02/the-summer-my-eyebrows-grew-back/.

*raises fist in air*

Yea for all of us out there pushing through our fears and frustrations to get where we want to go. We are not alone!

Of course, this means I now face the query and synopsis.

Blah.

I do have a file labeled Doors query and synopsis … so I will not be facing a blank page. Unless I have to delete it and start from scratch, that happens.

Another project lingers in the back of my mind. I want to post a story here *gestures wildly* on my blog. A dream I will work on making come true.

Keep working to find and achieve your dreams. We can all do it, especially when we support each other. All it takes is believing.

What do you believe?

Five Chapters to Go

Tags

Believing, deadlines, faith, fiction, hope, never give up, revising, thoughts, writing

I set my deadline.

I went to work, delving into all the words with my hope wrapped up in a pretty bow.

The bow has begun to unravel.

But have no fear. I have two days and five chapters left. I am resisting the urge to climb under the couch and hide with a bag of M&M’s.

Yesterday, my time with chapter sixteen was the longest day ever. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little. As I was reading, I realized that my main character was spending too much time doing the same thing, going over the same thoughts and feelings. Anyone who knows me will tell you that pretty much defines my writing. So delete! And move on. Done!

However, when moving through the words, I noticed an opportunity to add a scene, which (in my humble opinion) would give another layer to the story, give my main character the push she needs! Yea! A new scene. Then two hours later after staring at very few words for said scene I wanted to bang my head against a wall. Anyone else out there? *squints out into crowd* Anyone?

After a few more hours … success! I finished the scene and I like it.

Of course, by then it was midnight and my eyes were burning and my brain was fried.

Now, I face those final days of April and those final chapters. And with all the focus on the WIP, my blog began to feel left out, so here I am to appease it and share a bit of my journey with my blogging friends and maybe make you smile or, if you are slogging through the word-filled trenches too, help you know that you are not alone!

Wave our magic wands. Drink our magic potions (chocolate milk anyone?). Sprinkle fairy dust on ourselves and make the biggest wish EVER! Onward and upward!
Who’s with me?

Believing

Tags

Alice in Wonderland, Believe, deadlines, fantasy, magic, thoughts, writing

For … a whiiiile now, I have been editing a manuscript that I wrote years ago. I have never forgotten it. I still love the idea, the characters, the worlds I created. But it needs help.

My YA fantasy ‘Doors’ takes sixteen-year-old Bryn through a door that leads her to all the worlds. She becomes a friend, a hero, a slave, a leader, and a storyteller, but most of all she becomes someone she can love. All it takes is a bit of believing.

Believe. One of my favorite words. A couple of syllables that hold a ton of magic.

Well, I believe that this editing business is going extremely slow. So I gave myself a deadline! I know! Seems extreme, but if I don’t, I’ll keep going … FOREVERRRRRRR.

Seriously. I have a problem. I wish I could love me.

The work can always be better. Always. Don’t stop! Keep editing, changing, adding, subtracting … until it becomes pushing the words around. And who does that help? No one.

I want to be through this WIP by the end of the month.

Now. Now. *puts up hand*

Yes. I do realize that this date is closer than I think. I also know that I am halfway through the WIP, not far enough. I also keep rewriting after receiving critiques, which digs me deeper into my revision hole. And after my critique group yesterday, I will have to go back to chapter 6 … again.

WILL I MAKE IT? I will! Eventually … if my dream comes true … I will have to work with real deadlines, not just my own, but from a publisher. I should practice.

I have to BELIEVE!

Alice in Wonderland believes six impossible things before breakfast.

1) Someday I will see a fairy, ghost, or witness an inexplicable event.

2) My hubs has emotions.

3) I can fly.

4) I will read everything on my TBR list. (It just keeps getting longer!)

5) I will have a pet dragon.

6) I am a writer. Someday people will buy and read my books.

Believe in anything and everything, just do it! Anything is possible.

So? What do you believe?