How Kathy Writes a Book…Part 3: Chapter One

Tags

chapter one, first drafts, have fun, How I write a book, openings, thoughts, writing

We all write in different ways. I have been sharing my manuscript-writing journey.

It begins with the idea.

It continues as I scribble-scrabble all the notes, solidifying the idea into a full fledged story…well, as full-fledged as I get. I know the world. I have a list of scenes (though no idea of the order in which they occur). I have characters and character arcs. I have a theme.

A restlessness flitters through my brain. I keep working on notes. I keep thinking.

There is a point where I know it’s time to move on. I know all I can know and to learn the rest of the tale, I have to discover it…I HAVE TO WRITE IT.

The time to open a new word doc arrives.

This is the scariest part for me. The part dripping with doubt. Can I really write ANOTHER book? All I can think of are the thousands of unwritten words, the blankness that spread out before me.

I would be happy to keep writing notes, keep brainstorming, but…I can’t. I can feel the need to take the next step.

I open the word doc…

I type the title…

I cover the word count at the bottom of the screen…BECAUSE WHO NEEDS THAT PRESSURE?!?!?!!?!??!

I type…

CHAPTER 1

Then I stare. There it is. The beginning. The opening. So many possibilities. Not a mess. I can still make it perfect. Like a pool waiting for you to dip a toe in…or jump in…

 

But I question. Do I know where this starts? Do I have a story that can fill page after page? THERE IS SO MUCH WORK TO DO HOW CAN I DO THIS HOW DID I DO THIS BEFORE IF I TYPE SOMETHING I WILL MESS IT UP

Every time. No matter how many of these piles of words I write, I will always question.

After hours of panic and doubt and staring. I write…

then delete…

then write…

then delete…

And the panic grows. I can’t do this. So much blankness. So many words waiting. So many scenes that I will just mess up. This won’t be what I want. This won’t live up to my expectations…all the thoughts crowd in. Eventually I deal with them.

THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT WHAT THE HECK ME JUST WRITE THE DARNED THING YOU CAN FIX IT LATER SO SHUT UP ALL YOU DOUBTS I GOT THIS

Once I embrace the mess I am about to create, once I free myself of the doubt, once I set my mind to fun mode, I write.

As much work as writing is, it should always be fun. If I focus so much on making it perfect, it will never happen.

As I write the beginning, I know we will meet again. I never get those pesky openings right on the first try.

I have to jump in. Write words. FUN WORDS. Do they make sense? Who cares. Do I have everything in there I need? Who cares. Do I doubt every thing? YUP. BUT WE AREN’T GOING TO THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW

Word after word. Page after page.

World set-up. Character intros. Paint the scene. Set the tone. Set up the theme…the story.

Before I know it, I come to a line, a sentence…a feeling…I have finished chapter one.

And type…

CHAPTER 2

 

And you can probably guess what happens next…but stay tuned anyway.

 

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Scared of the Suckage

Tags

expectations, fear, first drafts, relax, thoughts, writing

I’ve started writing a new book!

I am so excited to tell Ember’s story of how she finds Nowhere. I love this whole idea! I love the characters. I love the setting. I love the tone. Adventure. Creepiness. So many emotions.

I know where the story is heading. I know the overall theme. So much is all figured out and the stuff that isn’t, well, it will show itself when it’s ready.

So, this…

Right?

Not exactly. More…

Yeah.

BUT WHY?!?!?!?!! Kathy…why?

I’ve been staring at the screen. And yes, blank pages that wait to be filled is frightening. I hate first drafts. But I know what the next scene is…I can see it played out in my head. Yes, translating the movie in my mind to words can be tricky, but not stare at the screen forever tricky.

So what is keeping the words from pouring from my fingertips?

Well, fear.

Fear that I won’t be able to link all the characters, the stories, the feelings. Fear that I won’t be able to tell this glorious idea that has been growing in my head in the right way, the best way…

That I will mess up what I think is a fantastic idea.

That I won’t be able to infuse the tale with the right amount of creepy and humor. That  I won’t be able to pull off the voice I want (because this is middle grade and VOICE IS EVERYTHING!). That I can’t tug this thing free from my mind and slam it on the page and make it real.

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty here. I’m scared it will suck.

So I admit it. I embrace it. I am scared.

What do we, as writers, do about that?

We take a breath, relax, and write anyway.

I’ll say it again.

Take a breath.

Relax.

Write. 

Have fun. Create. Don’t let these terrible expectations take away the reason we write, don’t let it steal the joy.

Because fear isn’t going to keep me from telling Ember’s tale. I’m going to pour all the words I can get into my first draft. I’m going to add all I can, get the story out. After I have a draft, I’ll worry about fixing it. I’ll sculpt the pile of words into what it wants to be.

Fear isn’t stronger than me.

 

That Time I Left my Rut and Lived

Tags

critiques, first drafts, thoughts, trying new things, writing

I am a creature of habit.

My rut is well worn.

I don’t like to leave my happy, well-known places. Dude, it’s scary out there.

BUT…

Life required me to deviate from my master plan of never changing. There wasn’t much of a choice. And I did it with little anxiety… color me shocked!

And, it was okay, well, actually it might be my new happy place.

In my eleven years of writing, I NEVER let anyone see a first draft. Never. The thought made my eye-balls bleed and my body go into convulsions. No one should see that terrible first draft, the vomit draft… you don’t want to show people the vomit. Truly.

So, I would draft, then revise about three hundred times, THEN let people read it. This has worked for me.

Well, here I am writing a first draft. Slowly. But writing it. And my turn for critique group pops up. But…

Ummm… I don’t have anything.

Haven’t you started that sequel you’ve been world-building and planning?

Yes…

Send us that!

Ooooo…kay. BUT IT’S TERRIBLE AND A FIRST DRAFT AND I NEVER LET PEOPLE SEE THOSE!

Oh, Kathy.

Anyway, that horrible first draft has now been critiqued by two different groups. And WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER? All those years I spent revising in my little bubble, digging a deeper and deeper hole stuck in all my thoughts about the manuscript. Then when finally I get feedback, I don’t know what to do, because I am staring at this thing I don’t know how to change.

When I get feedback for a book I am in the middle of drafting, I can make notes, and keep writing, using all the light bulb moments that came from comments to make the following chapters better.

Forget all the terrible sentence structures. Forget the way I repeated a word five hundred times. Forget the passive voice. I can fix that a heck of a lot easier than reworking the plot. Critiques are less painful when I am not so invested in the words. It’s a first draft… WHO CARES!!! Seriously, I was less jittery and sweaty.

So I am a changed person. This ms will be critiqued as a first draft, as I write the thing.

And it will be great.

I think.

Maybe.