#Magicday…Friends

Tags

friendship, kids, magic, Magicday, making friends, strength, thoughts

In my life, I have had a couple of really good friends. People who really know me. I was never one to have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are priceless. And thanks to Twitter I have more, though they are far away, and some I haven’t met in person, they mean the world to me.

So, when I had kids, I shared my wisdom…

If you want to have friends, you have to talk to people. Go say hi. Ask them questions. See if you click.

Not everyone will be your friend. Life…people don’t work that way. And that’s okay.

And flip it the other way…You don’t have to be everyone’s friend.

You can have a million friends or one. Choose. Never feel terrible if you only have one friend, because it’s your choice. Choose what makes you happy.

People change. Your interests will change as you age. You might find new friends and not talk to others as much. This is normal. This is okay, but never be upset, never be angry with that friend because you’ll have all the good memories to hold onto…they’ll always be a friend.

My son had a very best friend from kindergarten to about fourth or fifth grade, then they started off on different paths. He talks about a few kids at school, kids he thinks are funny, but I never see them. He doesn’t invite them here. But he’s happy. So I am happy.

My daughter had a best friend from kindergarten to about fourth or fifth grade, then they drifted apart. My daughter went into the band, finding a new set of friends. She surrounds herself with a few people, a close knit group. I know these girls, for my daughter invites them here. They are cool kids. They are all different. They are all happy to be themselves. They are all ready to stand up for the others.

Having people to go through life with is important. Having people who understand you is important. Having people who never expect you to be anything but you is important. If it’s a group or one person, friendship, connections, can make us strong.

It’s magic.

 

Keep Your Expectations for Yourself

Tags

Big Brothers/Big Sisters, expectations, kids, parents, thoughts

I have been a volunteer with Big Brothers/Big Sisters for 18 years. If you don’t know that organization, they take kids of single parent homes and match them with an adult, who will hopefully connect with them, show them other aspects of life, and have fun.

My first match began in 1997 with a 7 year old girl and we were matched until we graduated from the program because she graduated from high school. So almost 11 years. (And I am still in contact with her. I get to go to her daughter’s 5th birthday party!) I was matched again in 2010 with a 9 year old, so we have a few years left before she graduates, BUT JUST A FEW WHEN DID SHE GET TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN?

Anyway…

When you are a volunteer for BB/BS, annual reviews, where they bring you and your little in to fill out forms and chat, are required. I’ve done these a million times, I know them by heart. They are not my favorite thing to do, but I go.

This time one question made my brain explode slightly. “What are your expectations for your Little for the coming year?”

Ummm… wait. I know I have probably heard this question before, but that day, a part of me froze in shock.

Expectations…for HER?

I don’t have expectations for her, or anyone. We all should have our own. I wish for her to make decisions in her life as to what will make her happy. I can’t know what these choices are. I am not her. All I can do is expect certain things of myself, then do my best. Through this I can show her a way to live, but she must be in charge of her destiny.

Except, people do have expectations of others. It happens all the time. Mostly I see it in parents. And I get it. Our kids are awesome and we want them to show the world all their super powers.

When we have expectations for others and they choose something else…what happens to us? Sad? Disappointed? Because they made their own choice? Dude. That’s reason to celebrate.

What about the person with those expectations weighing on their shoulders? Expectations that in no way match what they desire.

Kinda like that.

So the only expectations I have are for me. Just like my first Little, I will watch my new Little as she figures out what she wants and who she wants to be. I will always be here to give support. I will always be here to lend an ear. I will always be here if she needs help. But I will never tell her what to do. Her choices must be her own. Her expectations must be ones she sets. The same goes for my kids. And hubs. And sisters. And nieces. And everyone.

Go! Be you! Make your own choices. Have your own expectations. And be brilliant. I know you will.

 

The Incredible Changing World of Mom

Tags

babies, being a mom, childhood doesn't last forever, kids, making memories, playing with your kids, toddlers, video games

So being a mom is a strange thing. The thought that I am someone’s mother kinda freaks me out a bit. Let’s be honest, I can barely take care of myself. And, yes, my kids know this.

Motherhood changes. At first there’s this little human who can do nothing for themselves and are totally dependent on you. Then they learn how to get around on their own, feed themselves, and ask for things… if not completely in an understandable language at first. But as toddlers, they still NEED their mom (or dad, I am not leaving you guys out, just going on my own experience of being the primary child whatever-er).

Kids begin to figure out that they have their own minds, full of their own ideas and fabulousness. When baby gates stop being barriers and become mere obstacles.

AND OMG MOM LOOK I HIT MY HEAD ON THE CEILING FAN BECAUSE I LEANED MY MATRESS AGAINST THE DRESSER AND CLIMBED UP AND JUMPED OFF!!!! WOW MOM!!!!

AND HOLY MOLY WE JUST SPREAD PAINT ALL OVER THE EXTRA ROOM! AREN’T WE SIMPLY THE MOST CREATIVE KIDS EVER?

WOW COME LOOK MOM AT HOW THE DRESSER FELL ON MY SISTER WHEN WE OPENED THE BOTTOM DRAWER AND SHE SAT IN IT!

Those are the years that nearly killed me. The PLAY WITH US EVERY SECOND years… for if you turn your back on us we will destroy the world years.

Then we moved into the elementary school years. And I could breathe. Not sure how we made it, but we did. We could have actual conversations. We had fun.

Now my son just turned 14 and my daughter will turn 13 next month. In the last few years, they need me less and less… it has become more of a…

MOM, WHAT’S FOR DINNER?

MOM, DO I HAVE TO GO ANYWHERE TODAY?

MOM, I NEED NEW CLOTHES BECAUSE ALL MINE ARE TOO SMALL!

But mostly, they hang out in their rooms. They sit with their iPod, iPad, computer, Nook, or a good old fashioned book. Which is fine. I like my quiet time. I LOVE THAT MY KIDS IGNORE ME! I have trained them well.

But every once in a while, magic happens.

Yesterday, my daughter said, “Mom, do you want to play Lego Harry Potter on the Wii?”

Play with me? What?

WHY YES YES I DO!

Today, both kids asked me to play Mario Kart with them.

YES I WILL!!!! I will lose all the races and it will be fabulous. Those blog posts I have to write? They will wait. That world-building I have to finish? It’s not going anywhere.

For when the opportunity to hang out with my kids arises I do not say no. I can’t say no. Because unlike all the housework and even my writing, my kids won’t wait, not forever. Before I know it, they’ll be going to college… someday moving out!

AND THEN WHO WILL PLAY WITH ME?

Overall, I am lucky. No screaming matches, there hasn’t been door slamming. Doesn’t mean there won’t ever be, but I’ll take what I can get. My kids think I’m pretty cool, and I think they’re pretty cool.

So whenever they ask me to do something with them… the answer is always yes. Even when they do laugh at how terrible I am at Mario Kart, or when my Lego Hermione or Ironman runs willy-nilly across the screen as I yell, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” Heck, I laugh at me.

Cheers to good memories.

And if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write my post for The Midnight Society that goes up tomorrow…

 

 

Set the Silliness Free

Tags

craziness, field trip, fun, importance of laughter, kids, Silliness

Oh look! It’s Thursday. A blogging day.

I am lost in a bit of OH GOODNESS I HAVE TO SUBMIT MY SHORT STORY TODAY AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S ANY GOOD stuff. But after a revision session this morning, I think I’m better. So between that and rereading it again, just to make sure I didn’t do permanent damage, I thought I’d pop on over and share a bit of magic.

Silliness.

Wackiness.

Crazy-train-iness.

Since I will be spending the entire day tomorrow on a field trip to Chicago with my daughter and the rest of the 6th grade, this subject seems appropriate.

As a kid, when my sisters and I would take a ride on the crazy train, my mother would roll her eyes and leave the area. Many adults ignore their kids or tell them to stop when they hit a laughing high.

I join in. Heck, there were many nights in this house when I started the silliness. I can’t help but laugh when my kids can’t stop giggling. When life gets difficult, when the stress begins to boil over, why not climb on the wacko bus and ride!

Embrace the silly.

Playing Lego Harry Potter or Star Wars video games with my kids tends to get crazy. Have you ever seen me play Mario Kart? Yeah. Buckets of fun. I laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. We race to the bathroom so we don’t pee our pants. Things get spilled in the process, which adds to the brilliance of the insanity.

The conversation can turn in a moment from everyday boring to belly-shaking hilarity. What about? Farting. Our own problems (if you can’t laugh at yourself and all that…). Videos on U-Tube. The dog. The cats. NOTHING AT ALL. I love it.

Possibly that’s why I have such a good time with a group of kids. Tomorrow as I wander the halls of museums, I’ll have fun. We’ll joke. We’ll laugh. We’ll look at old stuff, we’ll gaze at a few fish, and sleep through an I-MAX movie about butterfly migration… cause it sounds fascinating. Butterfly migration?

So when adulting becomes just a bit too much, take a page from the books of children and remember the silly. It’s important and not just for kids.

Now run amok, my friends!

 

 

The Power to End Bullying

Tags

bullying, kids, school, strength, thoughts

Bullies suck. Being bullied sucks. It can end when their power is taken.

This sounds easy, but it won’t be.

I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me a story about my 10 year old niece. One day, she came home from school in tears. She had been a part of a group of kids and was given the job of going to the board to write something. Well, she is not a great speller and handwriting is not her thing. When she finished, the rest of her group laughed at her and told her what she had done was terrible and they couldn’t even read it.

Mom told her that maybe next time she should let her group know that spelling and writing aren’t her strong points and that she should request a different job. Turn the other cheek? Avoid confrontation?

Anger flared through me.

NO! She should have turned to them and said, “Stop. I’m not very good at this, but I did my best and don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

I went on in my rant… going on and on about kids saying things without thinking, but someone has to let them know it’s not okay. Never let anyone do or say anything that changes how you view yourself, that takes your power from you.

Mom paused and said, “That would have been the perfect thing to say to her.”

As a kid, I was the tallest girl in my class, a quiet goodie-two-shoes. Hello, the butt of every joke. If only someone had told me to tell those kids to knock it off. If only someone had stepped up to stop them, showing me what power is. I let them take my power. I sank further into the darkness of self-doubt and low self-esteem because of words, some goofy kids’ words. And I never told anyone.

Schools have anti-bullying assemblies. My kids have come home with coloring pages and T-shirts. But I think what really hit them was when I repeated told them…

If someone says something that makes you feel bad, tell them to stop and not with tears, but with power.

If you see someone saying or doing mean things to another kid, you go over there and stop it.

If I ever learn that you have said or done anything that hurt someone else, your life will end.

Sounds extreme? Maybe. But my son gained his first best friend when he stood up for him at school in kindergarten.

Teachers have enough to worry about. They can’t see everything that happens, they can’t be responsible for every action of every child.

I have heard stories of parents going to the school complaining that their child is being bullied and the school won’t do anything. They can’t take one child’s word over the other. They can’t.

My little examples are nothing compared to what goes on out there, but name calling is common. Kids are mean. They don’t think, they just speak. Maybe they hear their parents talk about people, maybe its TV… but in the end, kids just don’t understand the power of their words. Parents, teach them about their self worth.

Empower the kids. They can stop the bullying. Strong kids will become strong adults.

 

The Magic of Who You’ve Been

Tags

being yourself, embrace the past, fond memories, kids, past, teens, thoughts, truth

So … I have an addiction to Facebook quizzes.

Do I want to know which character from Lord of the Rings I would be?

Do I want to know which type of book I would be?

Do I want to know in which fictional world I should live?

YES!

Why not? It’s fun. And some of them are semi-scarily-accurate.

Recently I took a quiz to see if the masterminds behind these quizzes could guess my age.

They said I was 29. 29! Ooooh!

For the record I am 41.

Oh, so long ago, I turned 29 on December 31st, 2001. Let’s see …

Hubs and I had bought a new house a month before. Ug. Two mortgages. And we were deep into remodeling so we could move in. Because when we bought it … ew.

I had no idea I wanted to be a writer.

My son was a week shy of being six months old. So I had just begun my life as stay-at-home mom and had not a clue what to do with the little bugger.

Weeks before, I had discovered that I was pregnant. Surprise! Not planned. I cried. For. Weeks.

So I was a bit stressed.

When I look back on that person, I cringe, I sigh. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to being her. Heck no amount of money would get me to travel back to any period of my life. Awkward, shy teen-me with all her self-worth issues (some of which I still battle). Newly-married-scared-lost-me, who went a few rounds with depression. New-mom-me who stared at her kids and prayed to survive. The me who wet the bed until 11. The twenty-something-me who never told anyone what she really thought because they’d think she was crazy.

My kids roll their eyes whenever I tell them a story about when they were little, point out a cute cartoon they used to love, or pick up a once favorite book. Do they want that part of them to have never existed? Maybe. So I tell them to always accept who they were, where they have been, what they loved because that made them who they are. Never be ashamed of past you. Ever.

I embrace past-mes, making me who I am today. The most awesome-est version. Okay, possibly I exaggerate.

I am a work in progress. Always. Forever. I search for experiences to learn and grow.

What will 50-year-old-me think of 40-something-me? Don’t ask her. I don’t want to know yet.

Deep down, my core remains constant, the truth of me that I believe has always been and will always be there. Through all the changes, my truth doesn’t waver.

Everyone. All together. Give past-yous a hug. We needed them.

Any age, dear visitors, that you care to remember fondly … or not so fondly?

The Magic of Moms

Tags

childhood, kids, magic, Mothers, thoughts

Mother’s Day.

We remember those marvelous women who flashed the porch light on and off to tell us to come in, who told us that you probably need stitches except it’s just a knee, who cheered for you at ball games, but had no idea what was going on (and couldn’t catch a ball to save her life), who passed out when the doctor took care of a nasty sty by jabbing a shiny, sharp object at a screaming child’s eye, who made sure the Easter Bunny gave everyone the exact same amount of jelly beans, who made me eat a pile of peas and my little sister only had to eat seven … seven peas … seriously?

*ahem*

Sorry, got carried away … possibly that was just my experience.

Really, though, my mom is the best. She got us everywhere we needed to be, signed us up for all the things so we could see what we liked, and what we didn’t. And while still being a great mom, she has become the bestest grandma ever.

Because I’m the mom. Wait. What? Granted, this happened a while ago. My son turns 13 this summer and my daughter turns 12. Yes, that does make me feel a little old, thanks for asking. And even though I have been answering to those wonderful voices screaming “MOM!” around the house for all these years, there are moments when the idea of me being someone’s mom just freaks me out.

Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is one of the things I think I do well. That three inch button pinned to my purse that says “#1 Mom” says it all. I sign my two kids up for all the things they want, I get them there, I volunteer at school (and they still say hi to me), we play video games, catch, and volleyball, and have moments of general silliness (who doesn’t). I tell them they’re awesome everyday. And they roll their eyes. Just as it should be.

When they move out and begin lives of their own, I hope they think fondly of me as a mom. I hope they look back and smile, remembering me cheering for their sports teams, telling them that, no, we’re not having marshmallows for lunch, encouraging them to be happy being themselves, taking them to the movies, laughing when they drop a bowl of ice cream on the floor as ceramic pieces skitter across the tile, accepting my obsession with Harry Potter and everything weird and scary, and appreciating my generous helpings of sarcasm.

I may never fully embrace the strange concept of being a mom, but I have risen to the challenge with the greatness of mediocrity. My kids are awesome. I’d like to think I had something to do with that. Really I hope I don’t warp their minds … too much.

This year to celebrate me, we went to see a movie, my daughter baked me a cake (chocolate!), and there were cards full of wonderful words. Of course, I sent my mom a card wrapped up in love because without her, I wouldn’t be me. Maybe, if I’m lucky some of the best parts of me will continue on in my kids.

Yet, those moments will return when I marvel at the whole idea of me as a mom. Cause it’s strange. I’ll do the best I can, but can’t promise not to casually say, “Mom ran away …” every once in a while.

How do you celebrate your mom, grandma, or anyone who helped take you from childhood into adulthood (or whatever it is we have become, honestly I refuse to grow up)? Anyone else struck by the weirdness of parenthood?

 

 

Spring break!

Tags

family, kids, spring break, thoughts, vacations

Even though spring is hiding … somewhere … we have reached the magical time of the school year known as SPRING BREAK! A little vaca from school and all things related, getting up earlier than I would like, packing lunches, driving them to school, signing homework planners … all that blah, blah, blah.

Every spring break we take a trip, the same one. First we go to my parents’ house in Illinois. My mom and dad, my sister and her hubs and two kids all live there. My other sister and her hubs and two kids usually drive up too so we can ALL BE TOGETHER!

I love these visits. As my kids grow, my favorite moments are watching them interact with my family. We’re awesome. A little crazy, but in a good way.

I get to visit with my four nieces, who I don’t get to see enough. And you should hear some of our conversations! Six-year-olds know things! And they share everything and there’s no one better to talk silly than with my nieces. Seriously. Weird runs in the family. 🙂 I’m certain I will be called upon to read ALL THE BOOKS to them! Skippyjon Jones being one of our favorites.

We are going to see The Muppets: Most Wanted. We will take the three block walk to the local candy shop. We will go see the progress my dad has made on the house he is flipping. We will chit-chat and laugh hysterically.

A moment of honesty … I hate leaving home. I get serious anxiety at the thought of going away even to visit my marvelous family. Once I’m gone, I’m fine, but before … *flails* … My cats. My house – my safe, comfy place. But I leave, and I survive. And I have a great time.

So HAPPY SPRING BREAK … even without warmer temps and spring flowers. I am headed for joy-filled days with my family. I am ready to let go of everything I’ve been over-thinking (yes, writing, that could be you … yes, workout and eating, that could be you). I will be relaxing, not worrying, taking a break from real life.

There is magic in a bit of down time. Everyone should grab hold of those moments.

So I must dash, because I am not READY TO GO! Bye! *waves*

What is the best way for you to unwind?