Be Brave, Have Faith

Tags

#p2p16, editors, over-thinking, panic, Pitch to publication, submitting, thoughts, Twitter writing contest, writing

A very dear friend threw her words into the Twitter contest Pitch to Publication or #p2p16. A contest to get your words in front of editors.

She messaged me last week calling herself INSANE!

Of course I responded with a big WHAT?!?!?!

In a matter of moments she had found #p2p16, had read through the editors’ wish lists and found a couple who might just be looking for what she had written. I have read this particular manuscript (in one of its previous draft stages) and I loved it. Her words are stunning, the idea unique, dealing with eating disorders, an issue that needs to be brought into the light…so I told her to DO IT!

So easy. Right? Well, no.

When you ponder doing crazy things, panic sets in pretty quick. Was her query good enough and what about her sample pages? And if they request more, how much more and were her words okay?

These are questions with no answers. Because you can’t know until you put your words out there for everyone to see. And one person might love it and another won’t. Because we live in the land of art, where everything is subjective. Oh, art why you gotta be that way?

But keeping your art to yourself because of fear isn’t okay. So my friend had to be brave. She had to have faith in her work. And she had me and her hubs cheering her on!

And she did it! Then she panicked, because why wouldn’t you?

Now she waits to see if any of the editors she submitted to asks for more pages. Then she’ll wait to see if she is chosen by one of those editors to have them help her go through her manuscript. What a great prize!

Then her words will go before agents.

The chances of getting that far? I don’t know… not fabulous, but why not try? All it takes is trying. A little faith. A little bravery. And go for it.

My friend and I connect on several levels, but one we laugh about is our ability to over-think. We would revise forever, the words never good enough, the story never quite right. And our procrastination skills are legendary. Just ask us, we’ll tell you…later.

Sometimes it takes a rash decision, a moment of JUST DO IT to get past the over-thinking and let go of the need to revise again.

Only then does the magic happen.

And that one moment of JUST DO IT, that moment of bravery, of faith…could lead to dreams coming true.

I believe in you, My Lobster! Chosen or not, I am SO proud of you!

Brainstorm-nado!

Tags

brainstorming, CPs, friends, help, ideas, panic, reach out, thoughts, Twitter, writer's block, writing

I do not believe in writer’s block. It, a close cousin to fear, is something we authors create.

The words stop when we put too much pressure on ourselves to write, when we try to force the story instead of letting it flow, when we must have everything just so or it will be terrible!

In my last post, I wrote about how I had to write a story, but was having a bit of trouble. I had a few images in my mind, but nothing that fit together. I was trying to force a bajillion ideas into being a story. I thought about it all the time. I wanted to scream.

Now, stepping away, going for a walk, reading a book, doing anything BUT working on this story would have been a truly great idea except… I have a deadline! AND PANIC WAS SETTING IN! The absolute worst thing for writing.

So what to do? I took all the pages of notes (seriously I think there were five) and threw them away. With them went the rut that had ensnared my mind, all the ideas that lead back to the mess on those pieces of paper, the notes that weren’t helping.

AND BRAINSTORM! I love to get a notebook and my favorite pen and write all the things. I love the way this bit of dialogue and that strange image can suddenly link together. I love when all the blank spaces fill with fabulous with scenes and description that link all my initial thoughts together. I circle. I scribble. I draw arrows. I write sideways in the margins. And somehow it all makes sense.

I went back to the beginning. The story had to fit with a certain theme, out of my control. From that theme I latched onto the few images in my mind. I wrote them down… then stared at them.

Desperately resisting all the ideas that hadn’t worked the first few hundred times…

This usually works! Why isn’t this working!

And because Twitter is where you go when you need writing (and all other) support I tweeted…

And the fabulous Michelle Hoehn (@mah_hoehn go follow her, she’s fabulous!) tweeted back asking if maybe I needed a brainstorm buddy.

Rarely do I brainstorm with others. I have done it to help other people with their stories, but not so much for my own. However, this time I was stuck. And one thing I’ve learned form this crazy trip through the maze that is being a writer…

Writers should help each other and help is always good!

So YES! I said. YES! Let the DMing begin.

It is a miracle how explaining your idea to someone else, someone not locked in your brain, can shine a light on what the real story is. How a few questions you hadn’t thought to ask yourself set the ideas spinning.

And BEHOLD! I have a solid idea. One I don’t hate. One without glaring evidence of me forcing the plot. What I learned? That I was overthinking. (I know… shocker!) The pressure to make this story fabulous had me throwing too many ideas in the pot, when simple is better.

So, I have 1600 words of a story, I will finish the first draft today, then revise and send to CPs tomorrow. Maybe, this one will be pretty good. I have hope for it… if I can get everything woven together just right.

All writers everywhere… REMEMBER… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! So many of us are ready to help. Just reach out.

Reaching out, an idea to be applied to life.

Problems? ASK OUT FOR HELP!

Something not going right? TALK ABOUT IT!

We’re all in this thing called life together. And the world could use a bit more together, a bit more caring, a bit more understanding.

And the world definitely needs more stories.

Starting with Nothing

Tags

deadlines, panic, short stories, writing, writing is hard

I have to write a short story.

This should thrill me! I love this! Except the deadline is close.

Cue panic.

Cue trying to force the story into being.

Cue failure.

Cue me beating myself over the head because I’m doing this wrong.

I have images in my head. However, the pictures aren’t coming together to form something solid. I scribble everything I know… I write down whatever comes into my head… I cram all the pieces together and cry when it doesn’t work.

It’s not working. I’m missing something. A thought. An idea. An image. A spark. I’m missing the one thing that will drive this tale. I’ll find it. I will. Maybe all it needs is for me to start writing. Maybe all it needs is for me to take a nap.

There are stories that write themselves. There are stories we have to dig out of our minds with a shovel and pickaxe.  Ow.

I’m NOT Setting Goals… No One Can Make Me!

Tags

comparing to others, fear, goals, imagination, joy, living without goals, panic, stress, thoughts, writing

So I recently posted about getting into better habits. My brain immediately screamed…

SET DAILY GOALS!

MAKE A SCHEDULE!

PLAN YOUR LIFE!

FOCUS!

Wait… NO! Are you kidding, brain? We’ve tried this before. Do you want me to end up completely bonkers?

But… there are people, you’ve seen the posts on Twitter about goals to write 2K words a day. You’ve seen the people who write 5K (even 10K) words a day! You see all the people out there burning through their ms with passion, with gusto, with fabulous speed and brilliance! You’ve seen the people who have a schedule and get up at strange hours like 5am (seriously though I don’t think that time exists) and write words! Don’t you want to be like them?

Well…

Don’t you want to push past this fear you have of new words and write all the things you have in your head?

Well…

PLAN! SCHEDULE! GOALS!

(I do realize I had a conversation with myself right here, so thank you for attending Kathy-Talks-To-Herself Theater… showtimes vary, but happen everyday.)

*ahem* *straightens T-shirt*

I admire everyone with word count goals. I admire the writers who can get up early and add words. I have been falling into the void of LOOK-AT-THAT-PERSON-THEY-ARE-BETTER-THAN-ME-I-MUST-BE-FAILING. This is dangerous ground.

If I tell myself that I must write so many words a day… I panic.

If I make a schedule and something happens to derail it… I panic.

If I plan my life… I panic.

Believe me. No one wants that.

Relax, me! Things will work out. I will get back to writing and do my thing and all will be well. For some reason my personality does not allow plans or goals. I put extra stress on myself (perhaps a bit of that darn perfectionist) and get nothing done.

This ms is going so slow. I am having issues with the put butt in chair and write action. This bothers me! Why? Why can’t I do this? I like… heck, I love this writing thing!

BAH!

When I sat, stopped yelling at myself, and looked at the problem, I found an answer. I haven’t lived in my worlds long enough. I haven’t had lengthy conversations with my characters (old and new). This Darkness thing… there’s history it hasn’t revealed to me yet. There’s characters I need to meet, and worlds I need to explore. So I’m going back to brainstorming, writing all the ideas, creating a calendar, maybe sketching, and living in the worlds of my imagination.

My imagination is a happy place, even if it does contain a bit of creepiness. I will find my joy there. And when those good feelings fill me, I’ll write it all down in a spectacularly rough and crappy first draft. Just as it should be.

Yes, thank you, Hogwarts! They know brilliance happens in revisions.

But no daily goals. I’ll get done what I get done without stress.

Life is too short to live it in a spiky bubble of YOU MUST, at least for me. No plans. No goals. No self-imposed schedule. Just me and what I do, when I do it.

 

 

 

This is Me… *sets mental issue in the light*

Tags

forgiveness, little things, panic, triumph, victory

I had something in mind for this post, but staying true to my pantser nature, I am setting that aside to share with you my triumph.

*cue trumpets*

Now, don’t get excited. It’s a little thing. But for me… today? My victory meant everything.

Today went completely out of whack, deviating from the norm, off the tracks.

The trouble began last night, when I stayed up until 3am whipping a short story into submission.

Or it whipped me… possibly. I refused to go to bed until I had revised the unruly mess, which meant adding in a bunch of stuff and deleting and rewriting the entire ending. And I did! And later when I read through it, we’ll discover what my middle of the night brain actually came up with…

But that isn’t my triumph.

This morning I got up to take the kids to school and was well… TIRED. So when I got home, I went back to sleep.

IT WAS A GOOD DESCISION! I feel much better. However, I got out of bed at 10:30… breakfast should have been eaten, the workout would have been practically over… I would be ready to move on to say… this blog, or the other blog post I need to do for The Midnight Society, or rereading said story.

Cue the moment Kathy crumbles.

When I panic. When I completely lose my mind and give up on anything and everything. When things don’t go as planned, I have problems functioning. I turn to food, a whole other issue I’ll save for later.

For even though I like to think of myself as a go-with-the-flow type of person, and mostly I am, when it comes to my routine… I like my rut.

If this would have happened a week ago, I would have sat my butt on the couch and done the blogs, I would have probably had a few bowls of cereal. I would not have worked out. I would not have taken a shower.

And later in the day I would have cried. I would have looked at myself in the mirror and called myself lazy and not good enough.

I punish myself when I don’t do what I think I should. This happens a lot. I am not proud of this part of me.

However, today I didn’t. I ate breakfast and then did my workout. I took a shower. I ate lunch, which included a vegetable. I did not stress over the blogs. They will get done. My story? *checks files* It’s still there.

This is my victory. My triumph. I didn’t let my panic force me into a dark hole. I didn’t let the fact that I deviated from the plan bring me down.

I set my issue in the sun for all to see. I can only defeat the terrible thoughts if I acknowledge their ever-looming presence.

Life isn’t about what I should do, but what I want to do… what I need to make me the best me ever. Living is about forgiving myself when I walk a different path than what I had initially planned.

What battles have you fought and won lately?

Does Normal Exist?

Tags

finding peace, giving up, life, obstacles, panic, puppy, routine, stress, thoughts

It’s gonna be a loooooooooooooooong week.

My normal routine is far, far away. Out of reach, it seems. And I am going to lose my mind. Yes, I realize it has already been lost, but stay with me.

In December, I let my routine go. I cut loose, which means I ate a lot of candy and pie, laughed at the thought of workouts, and had a good time with my family. So the idea of the return of normality brought me joy. However, the Universe in all its wisdom has decided to keep it from me.

Perhaps there is a lesson here. Perhaps I don’t care.

 

With school starting again, I rejoiced in the idea of getting back to life. Workouts. Eating better. Writing. Then school was delayed and cancelled. The next week looked promising, then the dog got sick and other emotionally draining things… blah, blah, blah. Life spiraled into wack-o-ness.

If you follow me on FB and Twitter, you might have seen my posts about the poor puppy, who ate things he should NOT have and ended up having surgery last Friday to remove the wad of crud lodged in his stomach. Possibly, he was a vacuum in a former life.

Well, he is doing fine now. Eating. Romping. Happy. But recovering. I have a list of instructions from the vet. I have meds to be given.

And who can limit the activity of a five month old puppy? NO ONE!

I have been up for three hours and have taken the puppy outside approximately FOUR HUNDRED TIMES. Okay, not really. But close. He wants to be outside. But… stitches… must watch him… WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?

Hello, Monday. Hello the stress of a puppy running my life.

I am incapable of dealing with things that deviate from my routine. If life goes awry, I panic. I tend to not function well. Nothing gets done. I have a plan in my mind, and, as soon as I step one foot off the path, the plan ends up in a crumpled ball, forgotten.

Hubs is out of state. The kids are home today, but tomorrow, they will be at school. So it’s just me and puppy. I can lock him in his cage so I can workout and shower, but will he mess with his stitches? I can put him outside, but is that the best idea?

I have to make it through the week. Keep the dog as safe as possible as well as try to hold onto what little sanity I have tucked in the dark corners of my mind.

Maybe it’s not the Universe doing this to me as much as me chasing what I want my life to be, letting all these external things stop me. Maybe. In a lot of things, I am a flexible person… go with the flow and all that jazz. When it comes to my life and my goals, I will give up, curl up in a ball in a corner and cry.

Maybe I don’t think I’m worth having everything I want. I don’t deserve all the things, so I allow life to get in the way. Maybe.

Sometimes.

Sometimes life DOES get in the way.

Sometimes I get in my own way.

The trick is to know which is which. To accept when I really can’t do what I want. To push through when it’s just me being… well, me. And somewhere in that mess to find peace.

And that is what I wish you, my friends. Peace. Calm. Happy. Have a great week!

Change… Bring it On!

Tags

anxiety, change, home improvement, panic, puppy, thoughts, writing

We’re getting a puppy!

My life will be forever changed, and, for a while, it will be utter chaos. That’s just what I need… said no one ever.

We’ve had a dog and the work it requires, especially at first,  makes my head hurt.

I hate change. I love how my life has settled into comfortable ease. Knowing what will happen each day brings me peace. Seriously, the rut I have created is deep. I like it here.

Panic and anxiety dig their claws into my heart. What are we doing? A puppy? *clings to my routine*

But…

Hubs told me long ago he wanted a dog. We moved out to the country so he could have land for a dog. The kids want a dog and are ready to help. It’s time. I agreed.

It was a choice. Most changes are. We can prepare for them. Make a plan, which will immediately fail and more panic will ensue, but I can hope.

We are also putting in a fireplace. As soon as the air cooled, hubs remembered last winter and, well, he hates the cold. So the family room is a mess. I can handle it… *breathes* Again, it was a choice.

Not all change is chosen. Sometimes things just happen and can bring excitement or complete and utter fear. It’s those moments that really play with our minds and emotions.

Recently, I have been drawn to writing horror. Wait… what? I have been a fantasy girl FOREVER. I read horror. I love horror, but I could never write it. No way.

Maybe way. My horror short stories have done okay. I like them. It seems that my writing style works with the genre. Cool! I’m excited, because I am going to do a bit of research and write a NA horror manuscript. I am also scared out of my mind. Time to climb out of my comfy rut.

It’s good for me… right?

The family room is a construction zone… *resists urge to clean ALL THE TIME*

I will introduce a puppy to my four cats and a new home, away from his mom and litter-mates, and attempt to train him.

My short stories call for attention and Japanese myths and demons draw me to learn more about them.

Here I go! *pulls self out of rut* *wipes sweat and dirt from my eyes*

Change is scary, for me anyway, but it isn’t the end of the world. So many changes have happened in my life and have brought me here. Here is good -a bit wibbly-wobbly from time to time, but I like it. I have faith. Whatever the Universe brings, either what I choose or what chooses me, I will be better for it, stronger, unstoppable.

Anyone else have to climb out of their rut recently?

Expectations

Tags

expectations, magic, panic, pitchwars, thoughts, writeoncon, writing

Expectations can be a weakness. They can steal the magic.

It stems from hope, maybe this or that will happen, but grows into an untamable beastie. I want… I need this to happen. I act out the entire thing in my mind.

Wrong! Don’t do it.

I entered pitchwars and found myself beyond frustrated. I had a goal. I was conducting an experiment. However, if you have no control over the situation, the experiment will fail. The wonderful mentors spend A LOT of their time reading submissions, picking ones that resonate with them, choosing manuscripts they think they can help. It really is a marvelous thing.

I would love a mentor. I think the beginning of my manuscript needs help. Really. Let’s be honest, beginnings aren’t my thing. At. All.

But if I’m going with honesty… I wanted to know if my query and first chapter could hook a reader. And pitchwars is not the place to do this. Not. Some mentors request pages, I thought maybe if I got page requests… BAM I hooked someone. So when I get no requests? When none of the mentors follow me back on Twitter… does that mean I suck?

Maybe.

Okay… NO. Mine could be pretty good, but not what they are looking for. Maybe they don’t feel like they can help mine. Some mentors don’t request pages. Some mentors stay pretty quiet while they’re selecting their victims… er, winners. And these busy people with lives of their own don’t have time to give me feedback. That’s just silly.

So I had expectations, but they weren’t realistic. I do write fantasy, so real isn’t something I do well. I need to relax and see what happens. I need to remember why I enjoyed pitchwars last year, because of what it can give me. Friends. Contacts. CPs. And other ways to fulfill my expectations.

Look for the good and that is what you will find! *beats self over head*

So I heard about WriteOnCon… a forum for writers to post queries, the first 250 words, and the first 5 pages and other writers will stop by to comment, and I can comment on others. I went and signed up then panicked… OHMYGOSHWHATISTHISWHATAMIDOINGTHEREISTOOMUCHANDIDONTKNOWWHERETOGO!

So I gave up.  Seriously, this is classic me. Don’t be afraid, I usually end up hating the fact that I quit and go back with fierce determination. I’m not a complete loser. Pfft.

Then I mentioned my giving up on Twitter and a very nice friend Kate Foster @winellroad helped me figure out what to click on and how to do it. So I did. However, my query didn’t seem to post, so no idea there. And I am still floundering about over there. I am KPalm if you want to find me… be my friend… something.

Now, with WriteOnCon, I expect to read some good words and make a few (hopefully) helpful comments. I expect to get a few comments that I will use to make my writing better. From pitchwars, I expect the mentors to choose a ms to make them happy, that they love and if it isn’t mine, I get it. I won’t throw in the towel.

Expectations can wipe away the magic that I treasure, the magic of what comes from living.