This is my first attempt at doing a book review.
I was asked to read and review Drew Hayes’ new book The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant. I was honored! And YES, YES I WOULD. So here goes.
“My name is Fredrick Frankford Fletcher, and yes, that name did get me beaten up quite frequently when I was a child.” – from Fred (as it is lovingly known) by Drew Hayes
Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.
One fateful night – different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful – Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to “survive.” Because even after it’s over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.
REUTS Publications – http://www.reuts.com/about/
4.5 out of 5 stars…
Don’t let the title fool you! This is anything but uninteresting. Told in parts, different tales from Fred’s life… er, rather unlife?… show you that Fred is no ordinary vampire.
“Eternal life was pleasant enough, I suppose, though I’d become concerned about what I would do once I finished viewing every movie in the rental store.” – Drew Hayes
He’s a real hoot. A party animal. (okay not really)
“As I’d learned already, it turned out admittance into the club of ultra-powerful undead beings is much like buying a fantastic new home-theater system. Once the novelty wears off, you find yourself realizing that while the method of presenting it has greatly improved, the content generated is still just as lackluster as it was previously.” -Drew Hayes
Each tale offers a fun romp through the parahuman world of vampires, weresteeds (yes, wereSTEEDS), zombies, and devils. Each story shows us a bit more of Fred’s personality – cause under that eco-friendly, movie-watching, brown loafer-wearing vampire is a pretty cool guy.
I was bogged down a bit at the beginning of each part as he repeated information. But I got over that as the adventure began. And there’s plenty of adventure. Fights with werewolves…
“If you have never been fortunate enough to see a look of utter surprise race across a werewolf’s face, I highly recommend you do so.” -Drew Hayes
Ah! LARPing! And not just because that brought me one of my favorite characters, Albert, who holds a special place in my heart, but a vampire pretending to be, well, a vampire is totally fun.
“That’s right; I was hunching my way through a forest with finger horns.” – Drew Hayes
My favorite tale included the best and strangest joust ever, where Bubba really shines. (okay I had a quote to go here, but I can’t … *giggle* … you just have to read it.)
But I will say this…
“Today, the only cavalry we had was a werepony, a bumbling zombie, and a chickenshit vampire.” -Drew Hayes
The words lacked emotion, I didn’t feel the love story, the panic, the fear. Then again it is written more as recollections from a journal than a first-hand account. In the end, Fred is not an emotion-filled guy, so I went with it and enjoyed it.
The characters make this book! They are fun, different and crazy in their own ways. Albert, *sigh*, everyone needs a zombie in their lives. And life without Bubba would be tragical. And Fred, of course, the vampire who wears a sweater vest and has no idea what he’s doing. I laughed. I smiled as Fred learns to live his life… after he dies.
“We aren’t human, but that doesn’t make us monsters.” -Drew Hayes
The final words left a smile on my face. Because in the end…
“Sometimes being a vampire really blows.” -Drew Hayes
Now for a bit about Drew Hayes… cause he’s worth knowing.
Drew Hayes is an aspiring author from Texas who has written several books and found the gumption to publish a few (so far). He graduated from Texas Tech with a B.A. in English, because evidently he’s not familiar with what the term “employable” means. Drew has been called one of the most profound, prolific, and talented authors of his generation, but a table full of drunks will say almost anything when offered a round of free shots. Drew feels kind of like a D-bag writing about himself in the third person like this. He does appreciate that you’re still reading, though.
Drew would like to sit down and have a beer with you. Or a cocktail. He’s not here to judge your preferences. Drew is terrible at being serious, and has no real idea what a snippet biography is meant to convey anyway. Drew thinks you are awesome just the way you are. That part, he meant. Drew is off to go high-five random people, because who doesn’t love a good high-five? No one, that’s who.
Website – http://www.drewhayesnovels.com/
If you like humor and weirdness, this book might just make you smile. (I wish I were better with adding links that don’t look like a jumbled mess)